Accused murderer reportedly kept journal detailing crimes

Molly Ball

Monday, Oct. 25, 2004 | 11:01 a.m.

A man accused of two separate murders reportedly kept a journal while in jail in which he described the crimes in chilling detail, according to court documents.

In a hearing Friday, District Judge Jennifer Togliatti called the diaries, in which 24-year-old Jim Holden said he was a hired killer, "shocking, repulsive, exceptionally disturbing."

Togliatti ruled that Holden's writings were relevant to the charge that he shot two men at a Las Vegas home in February, killing one of them. The journal will be admitted as evidence at his trial if it can be authenticated, the judge said.

The diary, Togliatti said, constitutes some of "the most chilling written words I've ever read, and I've seen a lot of things in my time."

Holden and Rodney Evans each face five charges of murder, attempted murder, conspiracy and kidnapping in connection with the Feb. 6 shooting at Evans' home in which 19-year-old Michael Panek was killed.

Police at the time said the shooting on White Cap Street, near Charleston Boulevard and Christy Lane, was drug-related. They said Panek, who was wielding a knife, had been shot in self-defense.

If Holden's journal is admitted as evidence, he and Evans will be tried separately, Togliatti ruled, because Holden's writings would be "exceptionally and incredibly damaging" to the jury's perception of Evans.

A hearing to decide if the journal is authentic is scheduled for Dec. 10. The two accused killers are currently set to be tried next February.

Holden faces separate charges for the March 27 murder of 34-year-old Gerardo Ojeda-Garcia, who police said was shot in the head with a high-caliber rifle in an apartment at 3301 Civic Center Drive.

Holden was in the North Las Vegas jail in May in connection with Ojeda-Garcia's death when the journal was found. Court documents do not say how the journal came to be turned over to Metro Police.

The 30-page diary, written in jerky lettering on legal paper, contains entries for almost every day from April 7 to April 23.

In the first entry, Holden states that he is writing "for my family so they know what I was thinking and feling (sic)." Like several of the entries, it is signed.

In frenzied run-on sentences filled with misspellings and lacking punctuation, Holden zigzags between complaining about headaches -- he says he hears voices and has violent nightmares -- and pining for his wife and son. But the bulk of the journal is dedicated to crimes he has committed or wants to commit.

"I cant sleep every time I close my eyes I see those two people I killed," begins an April 8 entry.

"The one on whitecap I did not want to kill but he pulled a knife but the other one was so easy I wonder what it felt like when I shot him in the head I wonder what was going thru his mind besides my bulit."

Holden contemplates throwing himself off the top tier of the jail, but thoughts of suicide quickly turn to plans for violence.

"But if I ever get out of here I got some lose ends to take care of, all those people on the out side that are not doing time with me that were sapose to be on my side those rat bastards I'm going to kill them for betraying me," he writes.

Of one apparent former ally, Holden carps, "I go and do drug deal after drug deal as an inforser and now he doesn't know me all kill him."

Several of the entries list the names of associates or witnesses Holden vows to kill. In graphic detail, he plans a different painful death for each of them -- he says he will cut out one man's tongue and eyes "and feed them to him win (sic) he is still alive."

On April 16, Holden reminisces about the White Cap Street shooting, saying he wished he had killed the second victim rather than just shooting him in the arm.

"I was born to do this and was making so much money doing it payed to kill is easy when you just don't have any fealings no remorse you just dont care one after another," he writes.

He gloats about having convinced the police he was acting in self-defense, writing, "I got those stupid pigs to think it was self defens even after that punk Gary Sutton told them that I sat them down and evon told them they were not leaving alive."

In the final entry, Holden complains again of the voices in his head, which he calls "my skulls." In a grisly flight of fancy, he imagines "(feeding) on the souls of the inosent."

Holden writes: "I want to eat the last breath tast there blood fill the last beat of the hart in my hant watch the eyes go dull the life leave there bodie and there blood go cold how much longer do I have to wait tell I can kill again."

The judge on Friday said the journal's gruesomeness was not the point. If real, she said, it clearly showed Holden's motive -- payment -- and intent in the Panek killing.