Columnist Susan Snyder: In reality, weddings are ruff

Friday, May 14, 2004 | 8:14 a.m.

The scary reality of VH1's newest reality show is that it could happen.

Given that many Americans treat their dogs as humans, and given the television industry's never-ending quest for another show that avoids having to pay actual performers, the idea that humans would watch two Yorkshire terriers marry and raise a family isn't all that unrealistic.

Even the fact that Yorkies Dinky and Ella were married at Las Vegas' Imperial Palace by Elvis on Tuesday isn't all that odd.

Odd is that a roomful of adults was being paid in some way to participate in the ceremony, which is the pilot episode of "Dinky and Ella," a VH1 show about a pair of Yorkies who have only just begun.

The guy who headed up the VH1 shoot at Tuesday's ceremony said no air date had been set.

"It's just a pilot," he said as he waited outside the wedding chapel to tape the happy couple heading to their honeymoon suite. "There's a lot of work to do with this one."

Maybe I don't understand dog people. Maybe I don't understand reality television. After all, I'm still trying to get my arms around the whole let's-get-married-by-a-guy-pretending-to-be-Elvis thing.

But we're marrying dogs on TV in a country where we won't legally marry in private two loving, committed humans who happen to use the same public bathroom.

OK, so Dinky and Ella's wedding was cute. Bride Ella, who is owned by Minnesota Yorkie breeder Jean Hornnes, wore a petite white lace gown and veil secured in back by a bow and rosette.

Hornnes served as the maid of honor. Las Vegans Richard and Francis MacDonald, Ella's godparents, served as parents of the bride. Mr. MacDonald gave Ella away and also acted as ring (collar, actually) bearer.

Groom Dinky is owned by a statuesque Las Vegas woman who would give her name only as "d.b." no matter how many times or how many people I asked. Dinky wore what looked to be a formal black vest with watch chain. But he laid down during the entire ceremony, so it was hard to tell.

Jesse and Kelsey, Hornnes' twin daughters, served as flower girls. They carried in their arms Budweiser, Dinky's biological father; and Twinkie, Dinky's daughter from a previous relationship.

More heart-breaking than the fact that these two dogs will generate more personal income than I could accrue in two lifetimes of newspaper work, was the love-sick anguish of a Chihuahua named Rein who whined from the sidelines as the bride took her vows.

When Elvis, a.k.a. Michael Conti, asked whether anyone objected to the marriage, Rein yapped. And wasn't even part of the official gig. He just tagged along with his owner, who is an Imperial Palace photographer.

Rein continued protesting as Elvis declared Dinky and Ella "dogs to live together forever and ever Amen." After the ceremony the bride scurried under the chairs and made a beeline for the door.

"Ella is going to be in heat in two weeks, and they're going to breed them," Imperial Palace spokeswoman Jackie Brett said.

The couple celebrated during a private reception with family and friends at the MacDonalds' Turnberry Place penthouse.