Columnist Susan Snyder: Organization opening a new branch

Monday, March 8, 2004 | 8:20 a.m.

We are not visiting a Nevada town today.

We are visiting the loony bin -- the alternative dimension where people create and join organizations such as the International Flipper Pinball Association, Gnomes Anonymous and Tree Climbers International.

It seems climbing trees has replaced climbing the corporate ladder among many grown-ups -- at least on weekends.

Baby Boomers' nostalgic yearning has brought back dodge ball and the Schwinn Stingray. They're scouring the Internet to buy everything from Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots to Sen-Sen candies.

And they're now getting back to their childhood roots with organized tree-climbing. Maybe it's appealing to think about scaling the branches of something we actually respect more the older it gets.

Or maybe the fifth or sixth season of "Survivor" pushed us over the edge.

Tree Climbers International has been around since 1983, according to the group's website.

The group's mission statement says its goals include locating and securing "access to large or unusual climbing trees, suitable for recreational climbing," providing "qualified tree-climbing instruction by certified TCI instructors."

Certified tree-climbing instructors? You suppose the certification process involves a written exam in addition to a practical skills test?

While strolling through the woods, you see a large oak before you and commence climbing. No one else is around. So when a branch breaks and sends you plunging to the ground that means:

(A) No one hears you swear.

(B) No one is there to call 911.

(D) Your ex-wife visited the forest yesterday with the International Crosscut Saw Society.

(E) All of the above.

When I was a kid, my "certified TCI instructor" was my older brother, who broke his arm after falling from a tree he was climbing.

The lesson: Don't do that.

There might be a reason underdeveloped countries want to stay that way. People working for $3 a week whose kids dodge gunfire on the way to school -- or don't have a school because a suicide bomber leveled it yesterday -- don't spend their days pondering which piece of "tree gear" they need next.

Still, this group sounds exactly like the kind of organization I would join. Why? Because I have enough to eat, can cover my car payment, and they're doing something fun that hearkens back to childhood.

Mostly, I'd want to sit in on the monthly board of directors' meetings. One can only imagine what's on the agenda and what they find to argue about. And argue they must, because no group of adults ever created a board of directors that did not find reasons to argue.

"Mr. Chairman, I'd like to note that on last week's excursion Pete purportedly passed over proper protocol and purloined a pine cone."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Ah, the good old days.

Betcha I can beat you to the top of that tree over there.

Can too.