Columnist Ron Kantowski: It was almost in the hole for local caddie

Friday, June 11, 2004 | 9:34 a.m.

Ron Kantowski is a Las Vegas Sun sports writer. Reach him at ron@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4088.

If they ever make a sequel to "Caddyshack" -- check that, if they ever make "Caddyshack III" -- I think I've found just the guy to play Danny Noonan, the caddie and self-taught scratch golfer who took all of Judge Smails' money in the cult classic.

Ken Jarner is a self-taught scratch golfer but a caddie by trade, working out of panoramic Bear's Best on the periphery of Summerlin. Other than the fact he doesn't have an Irish girlfriend (Jarner met his wife, Agnes, within weeks of moving to Southern Nevada in 1998), he's old enough (40) to be Danny Noonan's father and, as far as I know, has never had to fish a Baby Ruth out of the deep end of the club swimming pool, Jarner has all the prerequisites.

Actually, he's sort of an amalgamation of Noonan and Carl Spackler, the assistant greenskeeper in "Caddyshack" played by the inimitable Bill Murray. Remember the scene where Carl was swatting geraniums with a scythe, fantasizing about becoming the "Cinderella story, outta nowhere, about ... to become ... the Masters champion?"

Well, Jarner this week came oh-so-close to realizing his ultimate fantasy of qualifying for the U.S. Open. His 15-foot birdie putt Monday on No. 18 at Columbine Country Club in Littleton, Colo., the 36th and final hole on the last rung of the Open qualifying ladder, lipped the cup and ... and ...

Curled out.

To paraphrase Carl Spackler, it wasn't in the hole.

So a couple of hours later, Jarner, one of 8,726 dreamers who attempted to qualify for the Open, was on a plane home to Las Vegas. Tuesday morning he was back at the shack, getting ready to lug the bag for some insurance salesman from Dubuque.

"Sure, I was disappointed," Jarner said. "That was my goal, the whole purpose of it. The Open is huge, but I was prepared to play in it. To miss by one shot is pretty heart-wrenching."

There's an outside chance he still could get that chance as his score of 6-under par put him first on the alternate list at Columbine, where 33 hopefuls were playing for just two spots in the Open.

Jarner's score would have been good enough for a ticket to Shinnecock at some of the other qualifying sites, but as he said, that's like comparing apples and oranges. Still, he came a lot closer than a lot of guys from around here who attended college on golf scholarships. He also came closer than a lot of guys -- Jesper Parnevik, Paul Azinger, Frank Lickliter II, Scott McCarron, Tom Lehman and Mark O'Meara, the 1998 Masters and British Open champion -- who have made enough money playing golf to endow golf scholarships.

That's something Jarner may not want to get out, in that it may cost him a few handicap strokes the next time he and the other caddies play for skins.

When it comes to golf, Jarner is a rags to nicer rags story. He was an outstanding three-sport (baseball, football and wrestling) athlete at Piner High in Santa Rosa, Calif., north of San Francisco, and was drafted in the 32nd round by the Phillies in 1986. He didn't pick up a golf club until age 27, when his career as a shortstop ended in the South Atlantic League.

He scuffled around at various golf course jobs in California and finished fifth in a Northern California assistant pro tournament in 1992, giving Jarner the idea that perhaps he could make a living playing golf. A couple of years later, he raised $22,000 in sponsorship money, bought a van to sleep in and made the cut at about half of the Nike Tour events he entered, before the money ran out.

Jarner moved here in 1998 and has been a caddie at Bear's Best almost from the day it opened. About the only competitive golf he plays is when he and the other caddies can get on the course.

"I know I've got all the shots," Jarner said. "But it's a different animal when you get under the gun (on tour). The tests aren't out here, playing against friends. The tests are out there, playing against two guys who came in at 6-under."

Until this week, Jarner's biggest claim to fame was caddying for the odd celebrity out at Bear's Best, such as actors Richard Grieco, Kevin "Hercules" Sorbo and Jessica Alba. Last winter, Jarner hauled around Joe Torre's bag.

"He took my address and said he would send me something," Jarner said when asked if Torre was a good tipper. "I never got anything."

So much for "a little something for the effort," as Carl put it to the Dalai Lama in Caddyshack.

At least Ken Jarner got a little something more for his effort in Colorado. The satisfaction of knowing that he was almost good enough to play in the U.S. Open perhaps is a distant second to total consciousness on his deathbed, which is what the Dalai Lama promised Carl Spackler in "Caddyshack." But for a guy who taught himself how to play the game, it's still pretty impressive.