Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On: Handshakes say more about us than we think, experts say

Kirk Baird

Monday, July 26, 2004 | 8:11 a.m.

You meet someone for the first time. Instinctively, they extend their hand toward you.

Do you: A: Give them a firm handshake, accompanied by eye-to-eye contact and maybe a smile?

B: Execute a tight, vice-like squeeze that can bruise the skin and, possibly, crush the bones?

C: Offer a limp-wristed, weak grip with all the power of a bowl of Jell-O?

D: Reluctantly provide a clammy handshake with as much life as a dead fish?

Choose wisely - your handshake may be revealing more than you think.

A study conducted in 2000 confirms what CEOs, politicians and fathers-in-law have said for decades: A handshake offers a glimpse into a person's personality.

"Generally, we found support of those kinds of inferences that people make when they shake hands," said Bill Chaplin, associate professor of psychology at St. John's University, who spearheaded the study involving 112 male and female college students while a professor at the University of Alabama.

"Basically, a person's handshake tells you how people interact with people and how comfortable they are with people. A person with a firm handshake is at ease with social situations, while someone with a limp handshake is less comfortable in those situations."

In the case of Paul Gordon, a handshake forecast a rocky relationship between him and a future roommate two decades ago.

"It was our introduction ... and we were discussing astrological signs," he recalled. "He asked me what sign I was as we were about to shake hands. I said Scorpio and he pulled away. I said, TDid I do something wrong?' And he said, TNo, I sort of have this phobia about Scorpios.' I said, TGreat. Nice meeting you, too.'" That handshake - or lack thereof - marked the beginning of a "conflicting relationship."

It's little wonder, then, that Gordon agrees. The senior vice president of Ark Las Vegas, a New York restaurant company that owns several Las Vegas eateries - including Gallagher's Steak House and the V Bar - said a handshake is telling of a person.

"I don't read people that quickly, but there's something ... about someone who gives a vigorous handshake or an overly masculine handshake or a very soft, shy handshake," he said.

Gordon, who meets a lot of customers and clients through his job, even has categories for the different handshakes he encounters: the sweaty palm handshake, the limp fish handshake, the overly masculine handshake, the polite etiquette handshake and the papal handshake, where you place the free hand on top of the hand you're shaking, "meaning you know the person a little better."

His preferred handshake involves a firm grip -- especially from women.

"One thing I really enjoy is when a woman gives you a nice strong handshake," Gordon said. "It just shows confidence."

Chaplin's study shows Gordon is not alone in his predilection.

"Women's handshakes that are as firm as men's tend to make the same positive impression as the men did" on both men and women, Chaplin said.

This goes against business-world etiquette, where a woman is often penalized for being too masculine or aggressive.

"Handshakes was a dimension where we didn't find that women were evaluated more negatively, and it didn't hurt them to be more masculine," Chaplin said. "Don't be concerned that this will make you less feminine. It doesn't seem to have that effect."

Unlike a weak handshake, which -- whether male or female -- can have a negative influence, especially when meeting someone for the first time.

Called "primacy," it's a concept when someone evaluates their like or dislike of another person based solely on the first encounter, said Jennifer Bevan, assistant professor of communication studies at University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

"A handshake can be very important if people are stuck on that level of primacy," she said. "It can have an impact on the first kind of impression with whoever you're shaking hands with."

Which is why many business schools stress the importance of the handshake.

In the case of the college of business at UNLV, students work on their greeting and departing handshakes as part of mock interviews.

"I take advantage of every opportunity when I interact with young folks to let them know the importance of first impressions, and certainly the handshake and eye contact is an important part of that," said Rich Flaherty, dean of the UNLV college of business.

Flaherty recommends his students use a firm grip -- but not get carried away.

"You don't want to try to arm wrestle someone and make them feel like you're on a power trip," he said. "Make them feel equal."

Not having a firm-enough grip, however, can also have a negative impact.

"It shows you're not nearly confident in your ability; the self-esteem may not be what it ought to be," Flaherty said.

For those with limp handshakes, the best option may be to simply increase their grip strength to match expectations.

Many business seminars, for example, include steps on creating stronger handshakes to better mask perceived personality weaknesses.

Chaplin, though, isn't convinced that's enough to conceal the truth.

"Someone uncomfortable in a social situation could learn the mechanics of a handshake, but my guess is that it will come across as inconsistent with the rest of them and seem phony," he said. "A handshake says something about who we are. Trying to phony that up might not be as effective as we think."