Local couple joins exodus to marry in San Francisco

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 | 11:38 a.m.

Las Vegas resident Mike Lehr, 39, and his partner Evaldo De Souza, 37, joined thousands of other same-sex couples making history this month by marrying on the marble steps of San Francisco City Hall Sunday afternoon.

The couple flew to San Francisco Saturday night within one hour of hearing about the mayor's decision to issue licenses, Lehr said, so they wouldn't miss out on the unprecedented chance to legally marry.

What mattered to Lehr and De Souza was not the questionable legality of the licenses but the chance to have their nine-year commitment to each other recognized as equal to the marital commitment of heterosexual couples.

"The fact that it was a marriage, and not a civil union, that it was no different than a heterosexual couple was what mattered to a lot of us," Lehr said. "It was equal to what everyone else has, and that equality is what same-sex couples are looking for."

The couple talked about their relationship and their marriage as they giddily looked at their newly developed wedding photos, cuddling near each other on the couch in their Las Vegas apartment.

De Souza, who came to the United States from heavily Catholic Brazil, said marriage was important to him.

"When you really love someone and you want to spend all your time with them, it's important to be married," De Souza said. "I feel discriminated against -- the love between a man and a woman, we love each other the same way. People should have open minds. We are not different because we are gay."

Lehr and De Souza met in San Francisco through mutual friends nearly a decade ago and relocated to Las Vegas two years ago because of the cheaper housing. Their original friendship gradually grew into a committed relationship and the couple has "felt married" for years, Lehr said.

De Souza, a salesman in a local department store, even receives domestic partner benefits through Lehr's employment as a flight attendant.

"We conducted our relationship as if we were married," Lehr said. "We are both totally committed to the relationship and to each other.

"Regardless of if Las Vegas recognizes (our marriage) or if Nevada recognizes it isn't important to us," Lehr continued. "What matters is what we feel."

The legality of the local couple's marriage and that of the other 2,467 marriage licenses issued over the weekend is already being challenged by conservatives in court, a battle that is expected to take weeks to be settled.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom said through a spokeswoman that the city would keep performing the marriages until forced otherwise.

"We will continue to issue marriage licenses until the court rules we can no longer do so," spokeswoman Darlene Chiu said.

The delay gives more same-sex couples a chance to marry, Lehr said.

Gay couples from as far as Europe have been lining up outside City Hall since Thursday, when city officials decided to begin marrying same-sex couples in a collective act of civil disobedience.

Hundreds of same-sex couples were turned away the day Lehr and De Souza were married, as the line wrapped encircled city hall. Lehr and De Souza arrived at 6:30 a.m. and were one of the last couples to be married late Sunday afternoon.

"That was the saddest parts of the day, knowing that every same-sex couple that wants to get married couldn't be there," Lehr said.

Lehr wore a white shirt with a tie and gray slacks for the ceremony and De Souza a dark suit. Both men held a single red rose during the ceremony and exchanged simple gold bands.

Lehr said the atmosphere was one of monumental excitement, with ongoing cheers and applause as a newly married couple exited every two to three minutes.

For Lehr and his partner, however, there was also sadness that De Souza's mom and more of their friends were not able to be there due to the short notice.

"That was kind of disappointing ... but we wanted to get married before the injunction was heard (Tuesday)," Lehr said.

The pair said they would like to see all cities, including Las Vegas, follow San Francisco's lead. At the same time, Lehr and De Souza insist they are not activists and would never have sought marriage on their own.

"I have always lived my own life," Lehr said. "I understand that it's a touchy issue, and there are a lot of traditions and values involved for those on the other side. I understand that and I feel for them."

William Stoddard, head of the Nevada Coalition for the Protection of Marriage, said he similarly valued gays and lesbians and their contribution to the community. But he and his organization strongly disagree when "they want to change the way society has viewed marriage since the beginning of time to something the majority of people are strongly opposed to."

Stoddard, an attorney and former spokesman for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, said he doubted San Francisco's decision would affect Nevadans.

"I think if something like that were to happen (here), I'm certain that the courts of our state would determine we would not give any force or effect to those marriages because of the language ... in our constitution," Stoddard said.

The decision to issue same-sex marriage licenses in San Francisco may also refuel a movement to develop a national amendment banning such licenses, Stoddard said.

"When things like this keep going on where people seem bent on ignoring what state and local governments have done, we may need to do something to ensure the people's will has some staying power and ensure that it will be effective long term," said Stoddard, adding that he prefers the issue be dealt with at the state level."