Columnist Susan Snyder: Another celeb couple implode

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 | 8:44 a.m.

Susan Snyder's column appears Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at snyder@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4082.

Ken has been tossed out on his perfectly plastic keister.

But it shouldn't have come as such a huge surprise when Barbie ditched him last week.

After all, Barbie has had more than 90 careers in her 44 years. And Ken, so far as I can tell, has never held down an actual job. A publicist answering Barbie queries Friday couldn't name one.

"I think his job was as Barbie's boyfriend," Jennifer Resick, of Ketchum public relations, said.

There's a proud line for the old resume. Ken's skills earn him a bright future in dish duty in Barbie's dream restaurant.

Maybe he'll hook up with Francie.

You don't remember her?

Francie was Barbie's mod, brunette cousin who hit the scene in the 1960s. Haven't seen her around lately. Word has it she ditched the whole Barbie gig and was singing backup for the Righteous Brothers at The Orleans until, well, you know.

Poor Francie. She never could get a break.

(OK, I am making up all of this. But playing with Barbie is all about make-believe, right?)

So now that Ken is free to panhandle Fremont Street with Francie, maybe the two of them will be able to locate Barbie's other castoffs and start a whole new life together.

There would be Skooter, friend of Skipper, Barbie's younger sister. Skooter was an attractive girl, but her inability to spell made her sink ever deeper into depression. The last anyone heard, Skooter was hawking Grateful Dead T-shirts and space-dancing for tips in San Francisco's Haight-Ashbury district.

Maybe the three of them can look up good old Tutti, who back in 1965 was Barbie and Skipper's baby sister. She is not to be confused with Kelly, Barbie's current baby sister.

At 44, Barbie would seem to be getting a little long in the tooth to have a "baby sister." In fact, it seems so unlikely that I actually offended a Mattel publicist back when Barbie turned 40 by suggesting that Kelly was Barbie's daughter.

"Oh no! Barbie's not it married," the spokeswoman said.

Yeah, so? Barbie and Ken have been together for 43 years. I've been to slumber parties. I know what happens. The Pill is only 99 percent sure, right?

And if indeed the "sister" turned out to be Barbie's daughter, would it be so bad? After all, there has to be some reason Barbie has worked as everything from an astronaut to a World Cup soccer player to a veterinarian all these years.

Somebody had to pay the bills. Ken certainly wasn't doing his part. I'm thinking there isn't going to be any child support in the aftermath of this split.

But, back to Tutti. It is rumored she went back East to law school and took a job as a White House intern before landing a spot as a lobbyist for the sunscreen industry. She and Barbie reportedly had a huge falling out when the Malibu series of dolls were released. (I never had this much fun with Barbie when I was little.)

"Every character doesn't play a role in every story line," Resick said. "But it doesn't mean they aren't around or part of the family or friends anymore."

No, but Ken better find a hobby. Barbie has a knack for shedding more than last year's clothes.