Columnist Susan Snyder: Catalogs border on the absurd

Tuesday, Dec. 7, 2004 | 8:14 a.m.

Let's see, the llama or the Canadian disguise kit?

This yuletide dilemma illustrates that Americans will buy pretty much anything.

The catalogs arrive in our office in a giant box. By far the most intriguing each year is one that offers ways in which a person can buy meat that is still on the hoof.

A far cry from Omaha Steaks, Heifer International (www.heifer.org) is an organization that allows people to "buy" livestock for needy families. A family that receives a Heifer animal then agrees to give its offspring to other needy families.

So let's say you want to give a llama to a needy family on behalf of Aunt Lottie. You send Heifer International $150. They send a llama to a family in Ecuador. And you give Aunt Lottie a photo of a llama and information that tells her the llama will provide transportation, income and wool for blankets, ponchos, carpet and rope.

For $120, you can buy Mom a goat that can provide several quarts of milk a day for a family in, say, the Dominican Republic.

For a mere $60 you can purchase rabbits on behalf of your little sister. Think of her glee when she opens the photograph of the cute little rabbits with an explanation that "since rabbits have up to 40 offspring a year, they provide families with steady sources of protein ..."

Hmmm, maybe you could buy two goats.

Heifer International's Web site says that by purchasing its gifts, "You'll be making a statement that will capture the imagination of your friends and family."

Yup, it likely will remain the topic of conversation for many holidays to come.

Now if giving food in its freshest form isn't festive enough, consider giving the travel hounds in your life the "Go Canadian" kit.

This one rates right up there with the pet rock and lunar real estate.

The idea, cooked up by owners of the T-Shirt King (www.T-shirtking.com) in Mountainair, N.M., revolves around disguising yourself as a Canadian so that when you're traveling abroad you don't have to take any guff about America's political views.

The $24.95 kit includes a T-shirt emblazoned with Canada's red-and-white maple leaf flag and the words, "O' Canada!", a Canada patch for your luggage, a window sticker and lapel pin.

"The idea is based on the fact that most of the world is not as concerned with Canadian politics as they are with current U.S. affairs," T-Shirt King owner Bill Broadbent writes in a letter included in the promotions kit.

That's because being concerned with Canadian politics is sort of like being concerned with paper or plastic. It matters, but not a lot.

Broadbent cited figures that show 115,015 people logged onto www.cic.gc.ca, a Canadian government site describing immigration rules.

The kit also includes some tips on passing oneself off as a Canadian. They include ditching the fancy drinks and drinking only Canadian beers and learning the words to national anthem, "O Canada!"

It also says the only sport in Canada is hockey, and suggests that the answer to all sports trivia questions is "Wayne Gretzky."

If you simply can't choose between livestock or the Canadian kit, go for both -- sort of a hoof 'n hoser package, eh?