Program helps siblings in foster homes reunite

Lynn Doan

Monday, Aug. 2, 2004 | 9:13 a.m.

No electricity, no running water, no food, just a half gallon of chocolate milk and some dog food -- that's all Bryan Cole says he can remember about living in his parents' apartment by Nellis Airport 10 years ago.

He says he kept himself busy caring for his little brother, Jesse. When Cole and Jesse's parents disappeared for hours on end, the two would venture outside the apartment, away from their older sister and months old baby sister, to dig tunnels in the dirt and play with their Hot Wheels, Cole, now 19, recalls.

"It was always me and him together," said Cole, who is now 19.

Then in 1994, when Cole was 9, he came home from school and found police at his home.

Cole's baby sister was placed in a foster home and his 13-year-old sister was placed in a group home, he said. He and Jesse spent the next four years together drifting from foster home to foster home.

"Growing up, (Cole) was the only thing I had as family," said Jesse, now 17.

In 1998, Cole was transferred to a group home in Las Vegas and Jesse remained in the foster care of an aunt in Lake Tahoe, the elder brother said. The two didn't see or speak to each other until more than four years later when they reunited through Camp To Belong, an international organization that reunites siblings living in separate foster and group homes.

Jesse now lives with their 23-year-old sister in Summerlin, but Cole said, "He is my world. I don't know what I'd do without him."

Cole and Jesse call each other multiple times a week and see each other almost every weekend, when their sister can find time to drive Jesse over. Jesse said they talk about "brotherly stuff," like football, school and weight lifting.

Since Las Vegas currently does not offer a way for siblings in foster care to reconnect, Cole and Jesse resorted to Camp To Belong, founded by former Las Vegas resident Lynn Price. Price was the brothers' court-appointed special advocate in 1995 and kept in touch with Cole even after she moved to Colorado.

At the annual U.S. Conference of Mayors in June, Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman recognized the efforts of organizations like Camp To Belong and proposed a government funded national registry to reunite siblings separated in the foster care system. The conference of mayors passed a resolution to encourage Congress to adopt such a registry during its next session.

Betsy Fretwell, assistant city manager, said she brought the idea of a national registry to Goodman because she heard a local therapist talk about the struggles of separated siblings.

"If one sibling has a health condition later in life, their having access to another sibling can be literally lifesaving," Fretwell said.

Fretwell was referring to organ transplants, which have a higher success rate between family members compared with non-family members.

Fretwell said the city is also planning to present the idea to the National League of Cities and is teaming up with Clark County to present it to the National Association of Counties.

Goodman said the goal is to get backing for the national registry from all three of the national organizations before presenting it to Congress.

"I spent 35 years of my adult life working in the court system and I saw the tragedy of dividing a family take place when siblings were placed in foster care and couldn't relocate each other," Goodman said.

Susan Klein-Rothschild, director of the Clark County family services department, said foster care workers have the ability to check whether foster children in the county have others siblings in the system. But they do not actively organize reunions, she said.

However, Rothschild said that, when placing children into foster homes, the department is "very invested in keeping children together."

"We're learning how important sibling relationships are," she said.

Cole said the creation of a national registry is important to the mental well-being of separated siblings. When he was separated from his brother, Cole said he felt "very alone."

"It was definitely rough at the time; I felt basically I had nothing to live for or work for," said Cole, who said he began slacking off in school. "Growing up, (Jesse) was the only person I ever had."

Donald Carns, a sociologist at UNLV, said reuniting siblings separated through foster care "closes the loop."

"Usually, from what I've seen to date, kids come to a point where they are struggling with who they are," Carns said. "When they're old enough, knowing about their siblings helps."

"I think you can't have enough structure in your life, especially from those people who are related to you," he said.

But before a reunion, Carns said authorities should be certain that both siblings are secure with their idea of "family," so that they aren't further confused. To prevent this, he said younger siblings should be excluded from such a registry.

Currently, Cole is registered at a community college and would like to become a juvenile psychologist and work with children in the foster care system. He's also trying to save enough money to buy his friend's Dodge Neon, partly so he can drive to Summerlin and visit Jesse.

Jesse is looking forward to his last year at Bonanza High School. He wants to become an FBI or CIA agent, so he can "spy on people."

"He's going to be the next James Bond," Cole said.