Friday, Oct. 10, 2003 | 4:26 a.m.
WEEKEND EDITION: Oct. 11, 2003
Today Brooke Prescia will remember the daughter she was never able to feed or bathe.
Prescia lost Savannah last Thanksgiving to stillbirth when she was 35 weeks pregnant. "There was no reason or cause or anything like that, it just happened," she said.
Priscia, her husband and twin sons will remember the girl today as part of the nationwide Walk to Remember. The Resolve Through Sharing Bereavement Services parent support group, Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center and Sunrise Children's Hospital are sponsoring the local events from 1 to 3 p.m. today at Children's Memorial Park at Rainbow Boulevard and Gowan Road.
It comes during National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Named by former President Ronald Reagan in 1988, this month commemorates the more than 870,000 infants who die each year in the United States from the result of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth and newborn death, according to Resolve Through Sharing Bereavement Services.
A Walk to Remember, which started in 1986, quickly spread throughout the country, making its way to Las Vegas in 1989. During the walk, participants join in support, holding a balloon bearing the name of the lost infant in remembrance. The walk will end with the release of the balloons at the site of a tree planted in their honor. Afterward, those present are welcome to share songs, poems and words of inspiration written by themselves and family members.
Prescia joined the RTS Bereavement group at Sunrise Hospital two months after her loss. The nonprofit RTS provides services for those dealing with the loss of an infant due to miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.
"My friend heard about this and brought me here," Prescia said. "It's nice just to have a place where you can talk to someone who understands. You don't want to bum your friends out, you know. Here, you can talk to someone who wants to hear about your baby and hear about what you're going through."
Shelly Ryan, a nurse and RTS Bereavement counselor at Sunrise Hosptial, said the parent support group gives people a safe haven to talk freely about their loss.
"When you come here, you don't have to worry about hurting someone's feelings or making them feel bad," she said. "You don't have to wonder if people will think you're crazy. We always use the word 'normal' around here because it's normal to feel crazy. Crazy is normal in this situation."
Ryan said the parent support group makes newcomers comfortable by sharing their own stories and getting others to open up.
"We go through certain phases of bereavement and tell them what to expect, but a lot of it actually comes from the other parents," she said. "We'll have some parents that have been coming here for a while and, when a new parent comes in, they really jump in and help out."
Ryan said it is helpful for parents to hear advice from others who have gone through the grief process.
Eileen Purney, who like Ryan is a nurse and RTS Bereavement counselor at Sunrise Hospital, said it is important for these parents to deal with the stages of grief, rather than try to forget it.
"(Parents) normally go through the regular phases of grief as with any type of loss," Purney said. "Denial, anger, shock and acceptance are things to expect, but parents need to know that they will not come one right after the other."
Purney said that parents who don't cope with their grief usually end up breaking down.
"We try to let them know that they're not going to forget, it's something to deal with, but you're not going to forget your loss," she said. "You learn to get through it, you learn to get to the other side but you never totally get over it. It's not something about getting over. Grief isn't a process of forgetting, it's about remembering."
Purney added that once parents can simply remember, they have gotten through half the battle.
Prescia said going to the parent support group provides a time when she can honor her baby. Through God and talking to other parents, she has been able to get through difficult times.
"I've done a lot of praying," she said. "That and the group and the walk on Saturday are helping. My whole family is looking forward to it. My mother is also grieving and looking forward to the walk."
Prescia said that she has tried to keep herself together for family. When asked about her 3-year-old twin boys, she said that they knew about their sister.
"They know, they tell everyone that we meet that they have a sister named Savannah and that she's in heaven," Prescia said. "They talk about her all the time."
The boys made red and yellow angel ornaments for their sister, which will be placed on the dedicated tree after the walk.
"They rededicate the memorial tree every year in the park," Ryan said. "Parents can make ornaments with the baby's name on it and their birthdate and whatever information they want to."
Ryan said that parents are welcome to personalize the ornaments however they want to honor their baby. Ornaments will be available for parents who don't bring them, so that everyone will have a chance to dedicate the memory of their baby.
Along with hanging ornaments, parents will also be able to paint on the tree as a memorial, according to Ryan.
"This is important because it's another way that parents can come together and have a time to remember their baby," she said. "They'll do the walk and hang ornaments and get together to remember."
Parents can also remember the lost by carrying a balloon with their baby's name written on it, Ryan said.
"The parents will get a balloon to carry that has the baby's name on it and a message to the child inside," she said. "At the end of the walk parents release the balloon at the tree."
Ryan added that while Sunrise Hospital has sponsored the local walk since 1989, it is their first year as new coordinators.
"This will be a new experience for us too," she said. "It's nice because we have new groups and new parents to the group and we're all going through this for the first time together."
The first walk took place in 1986 during the 5th annual Prenatal Bereavement Conference in Chicago, according to Ryan. Las Vegas is set to host the next conference, which is scheduled for October next year.
The RTS Bereavement Parent Support Group meets the 7-9 p.m. the second Tuesday of every month. Anyone interested is encouraged to join.
"If you feel like you need to talk to somebody about this, you should come," Prescia said. "It's the one place that you can comfortably talk about how you're feeling."
"It gets easier," Prescia added. "You won't get over it, but it gets easier. That's the one thing I've heard that is very true."
For more information about Walk to Remember or the parent support group, contact Shelly Ryan at 731-8222.
archive
