Columnist Susan Snyder: Holiday stress fits perfectly

Friday, Nov. 28, 2003 | 2:39 a.m.

Susan Snyder's column appears Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at snyder@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4082.

WEEKEND EDITION Nov. 29 - 30, 2003

It's early, and there's still hope.

Hope that this year, no one will bring up that unfortunate pants-wetting incident from 1967.

Hope that this year, Mom will be happy with your weight, your clothes and the length of your bangs.

Hope that this year, no one in the family will fight.

It's too early to visualize the stress ball that Santa placed in your stocking going "THAP!" against the back of your brother's head. There is still hope.

But what's wrong with holiday stress? Judging by the number of news stories and websites on how to fight it, people think it's a bad thing. But stressing out about how to not stress out seems, well, stressful.

Take the typical sibling bickering, for example. It doesn't matter how old you are. If you are the youngest, you are always the youngest. Everyone will always tell you how to do everything.

It just seems more frustrating when they're telling you how to choose a car or spouse.

If you are the oldest, you are always the oldest. You did more work, had fewer privileges, and no, we don't appreciate you more for it.

Deal.

If you are the mother, you are right. We don't want to spend every moment of the holidays at home. We spent at least 18 years trying to get away from home. We never get over that feeling. A couple of loads of laundry, some turkey, a pat on the head, and we're ready to leave until next year.

Granted, many people are stressed about the holidays for good reasons. They have lost loved ones or suffered true setbacks that make being happy difficult, no matter the day.

But face it. We are pretty much a bunch of self-absorbed whiners who freak when the holidays don't look like Norman Rockwell paintings. We buy books, talk to therapists or seek advice from the queen of navel-gazing, Oprah.

Let's consider one of Oprah's holiday tips from www.Oprah.com:

"Don't travel out of guilt."

Well, for heaven's sake why else do we travel across the country during the most expensive and transportationally challenged days of the year? Guilt is the only thing that sells an airline ticket in December.

"Have an honest conversation with your family about how difficult it is for you to make a trip during the holidays," the tip reads.

If we could have an honest conversation, we wouldn't be family. And since when does the guy who once held your head in the toilet care about whether making a trip is "difficult" for you?

It ain't natural.

My personal favorites are the inevitable self-righteous roundups of all the things single people can do to "survive" the holidays. They shouldn't expect to actually enjoy the holidays. Their goal is to muddle through until Jan. 2.

And they can do this either of two ways:

Host a loser party with other unhappy, single people.

Be Mother Theresa.

Loser or saint. Pick one.

Seriously, if you don't like the company you keep when you're alone, will adding other people fix it? It seems holidays -- or any days-- are most stressful when we stress over being ourselves.

So go ahead and argue.

If your older brother didn't tell how to do everything or your mom suddenly liked your hair, wouldn't you wonder who was dying?