Columnist Susan Snyder: Offering some new McWords

Friday, Nov. 14, 2003 | 5:56 a.m.

Susan Snyder's column appears Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at snyder@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4082.

WEEKEND EDITION Nov. 15 - 16, 2003

Talk about getting the old McKnickers in a knot.

Editors of the Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary fried a McDonald's executive's nerves last week by refusing to remove or retool the definition of "McJob" that appears in the dictionary's 11th edition.

For those who don't want to look it up, Merriam-Webster's says "McJob" is "a low-paying job that requires little skill and provides little opportunity for advancement." The definition also appears in three other dictionaries, including Random House's Webster's, according to an Associated Press report.

McDonald's chief executive officer (McBoss) told the AP the definition is a "slap in the face" to millions of restaurant workers.

This, from a man whose company would have an entire generation of children grow up believing that chickens have nuggets.

Welcome to the McMainstream, Ronald. "Aspirin" used to be a trademark, too.

Given corporate America's insatiable appetite for marketing monikers, it's a McWonder the fast-food giant didn't try to claim ownership of the "Mc" prefix.

Imagine the confusion for the world's McAllisters, McBrides, McCalls, McDermotts or McFarlands.

And pity the 182 McDonalds listed in the Las Vegas telephone book. Not a single "Ronald" is listed among them. But then how many, "Is the Hamburglar there?" phone calls can one person field?

But, I McWander.

Since there is no corner on the "Mc" market, what other terms could we possibly inject into the English language?

McWar -- A highly priced, barely justified military action that results in underplayed coverage of American casualties over there and sweeping infringements on civil liberties back here.

McDrive -- A high-stress, single-occupant-vehicle work commute on Las Vegas Valley freeways.

McFlabwich -- Any high-calorie, low-priced sandwich that can be purchased at a drive-though window and super-sized for another 50 cents. (You want fries with that?)

McMartha -- Any high-skill, low-return home decorating project involving a hot glue gun, dental floss and a clay flower pot.

McCause -- Any high-profile issue that unites an otherwise apathetic population for a brief period of time, then allows them to sink back into oblivion.

McLatte -- (Apologies if one of these actually is on the drawing board.) Any national coffeehouse chain outlet that puts mom-and-pop java joints out of business while enticing otherwise thinking adults into spending $2 on a cup of coffee and $5 on a finger puppet.

McMissioner -- Any politician who exchanges votes for lap dances, money or ski lessons, thereby limiting opportunities for political advancement.

McSprinkle -- Any water conservation policy that allows a multimillion-dollar casino to run its fountains but fines little old ladies who over-water their petunias.

McGrouch -- Any highly ranked executive of a multibillion-dollar corporation whose sense of humor died in middle management.