Columnist Ruthe Deskin: Parental values in short supply

Ruthe Deskin

Thursday, May 1, 2003 | 8:32 a.m.

Ruthe Deskin is assistant to the publisher. Reach her at deskin@lasvegassun.com.

Once upon a time I was deeply involved in the programs and facilities at Child Haven, the county's home for abandoned and neglected children.

I never understood how adults could harm innocent and vulnerable children.

In the days when Child Haven was a mere port in the storm for unfortunate children, it was sure heartbreaking to visit understaffed and inadequate facilities.

The social workers, who had custody of the children, were exceptional people who thought nothing of spending a week's pay for some desperately needed items -- and there was so much that was needed. Cots, linens, toys, books, small appliances -- all were gratefully accepted.

Child Haven today is a monument to the employees of the Department of Youth and Family Service and volunteer organizations, such as the Children's Guild, which struggled through the years to make life a bit brighter for these throwaway kids.

It's difficult to imagine the run-down house that was turned into a child care center and compare it to the beautiful, modern cottages and exceptional programs offered today. As they say, you had to have been there.

Today recalcitrant parents are given the opportunity to attend parenting classes to learn what comes naturally to many.

I can't comprehend how people have difficulty understanding what is expected of parents and children. I was lucky to have been born to a mother and father who were meant to be parents.

My father was a strict disciplinarian. He sternly insisted that we follow the rules set down by our parents.

My mother brought to the family a strong sense of values and absolute love. It wasn't anything they had to learn, and we were mighty lucky to have them.

In those days another factor aided parents: children were taught respect.

There are adults who have trouble adjusting to the complications of raising a family. And there are some who should never have been given the great privilege of bringing children into this world.

They are not emotionally equipped for the give-and-take that is necessary to foster wholesome family relationships.

I suppose one could say there is no reason for modern parents to be lousy moms and dads. They have available hundreds of "how-to" books as well as seminars and sessions to teach them to be good parents.

It's too bad my parents aren't around to offer parenting therapy. They believed in old-fashioned values such as mutual respect, firm but loving discipline, family and spiritual togetherness.

The encouraging note is that the majority of parents are doing a good job and the bad ones are in the minority. However, that doesn't assuage the hurt of the children of Child Haven.

Newt Gingrich scares me. So does Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. As do such news headlines as "Second soldier killed in Afghanistan" and "Iraqis tell Americans to get out."

The war might be over, but for some it has just begun.