Friday, March 28, 2003 | 10:59 a.m.
Dean Juipe's column appears Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. His boxing notebook appears Thursday. Reach him at [email protected] or (702) 259-4084.
Some men are irreplaceable. But Pete Rose is not among them.
The proof, however unscientific, came this week when it was announced that the City of Cincinnati is looking for a Rose double, or imposter, to take part in its 84th-annual Opening Day parade Monday.
Rose himself declined the invitation to serve as the parade's grand marshal, and, as a result, a contest Saturday will select a Rose look-alike to step in for the banished, if not disgraced, career hits leader. The designated stand-in not only gets a spot in the parade but two tickets to the Reds' opener with the Pirates.
But beyond pursuing someone with a physical resemblance to the 61-year-old, 5-foot-11, 200-pound Rose, those in charge of the contest need to find a man who:
- is willing to be mocked for breaking the trust of millions of baseball fans;
- is so self-absorbed that he knowingly violated a rule that's posted in every baseball locker room, the one that steadfastly warns that Major League Baseball does not tolerate gambling on any aspect of the profession;
- is dumb enough to have fallen massively in debt to an illegal gambling operation that was later busted by the feds;
- is pompous to the degree that he not only refused to admit to his transgressions but initially brought suit against baseball and challenged its commissioner's authority;
- is calculating enough to have dropped that suit in exchange for a lifetime ban from the sport;
- is tacky enough to have set up a virtual residence in a Las Vegas sports book only days after being banned from baseball;
- is immune to prying eyes as he bets on every horse race posted at the MGM during his local stay;
- is vigilant in his denials and in portraying himself as a victim when lobbed soft questions from a reporter or talk-show host;
- is daft when he should be deft;
- is ready, friends say, to bet on which of two grasshoppers can win a 10-meter derby;
- is reliable enough to have set such baseball records as most career hits, games, 200-hit seasons and suspensions for bumping nemesis umpire Dave Pallone;
- is willing to suffer the consequences when being compared to Shoeless Joe Jackson, an illiterate man and sympathetic figure who took the greatest fall in the 1919 Black Sox scandal;
- is ambivalent to charges that he undermined his own credibility and that of the national pastime;
- is lucky to still have a few friends in high places, some of whom have implored the current commissioner to give thought to having him reinstated;
- is indifferent to the fact he needs to do only one thing to get that reinstatement;
- is blind to the belief that reinstatement would also allow him to be eligible for baseball's precious Hall of Fame in Cooperstown;
- is determined not to apologize for gambling on baseball or the ban he received, even though a public apology might be all that it takes to have the ban lifted;
- and is as brash, crude and as hopelessly self-centered as he was when he played and managed and those who knew him tolerated his reckless behavior and those who did not idolized him from afar.
A Rose imposter? Undoubtedly one can be found.
But he needs to be forewarned.
He needs to have thick skin.
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