Self-help guru Dr. Phil fills show with life sentences

Kirk Baird

Monday, March 17, 2003 | 8:17 a.m.

I'm from Texas. Dallas, specifically.

The reason I'm sharing this in a review is simple: I know Dr. Phil McGraw.

Not personally, mind you, but in that "he's one of my kind" sorta ways.

The self-help guru has lived in Las Colinas, a well-to-do suburb between Dallas and Fort Worth, for quite some time. And anyone who's watched Dr. Phil on his TV show or seen him on "Oprah" has no doubt picked up on both his Southern twang and good-ol-boy demeanor.

I've actually been told Dr. Phil resembles my dad: tall, thickly built, bald, moustache and possessing a wicked sense of irony delivered with an "Aw shucks" grin.

With both my Texas and Dad-Dr. Phil connection, maybe that's why I get Dr. Phil. And maybe that's why I really enjoyed his show Saturday night at the Aladdin Theatre for the Performing Arts.

Love him or hate him (and there are legions on both sides), Dr. Phil is a man of convictions, from which he does not stray. He's also fully aware of his reputation as being tougher than a $2 steak.

Shortly after he first walked onstage, Dr. Phil looked directly at those sitting in the front row and stated bluntly, "Suckers! I will tear your ass up."

Moments later, much to their relief, he informed them he was "just kidding."

This doctor is not known for his touchy-feely approach when it comes to good mental health. Rather, it is his no-nonsense style that has made his show, "Dr. Phil," the second most popular morning program on TV, behind only "Oprah."

His no-bull approach is what the enthusiastic, nearly sold-out crowd was there to see.

And the Good Doctor delivered.

Dressed comfortably in a dark long-sleeved shirt and black slacks, Dr. Phil took no questions from fans. He had no guests. Other than a small forest of plants behind him, it was Dr. Phil alone onstage.

But for two hours he kept the audience laughing with personal anecdotes, and had them nodding and murmuring in agreement with his suggestions for self-betterment.

Some examples:

Who you are as a person can be attributed to the 10-7-5 calculation: Ten defining moments, seven critical choices and five pivotal people. "Get to know what they are, or you'll never learn who you are."

Despite what you might believe, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. "You've got one client. How are you doing?"

He also offered a nearly sure-fire method for predicting divorce: how a couple ends an argument. "If it ends with character assassination or name-calling ... nobody with any self-worth will put with that that. Let your partner retreat with dignity."

Of particular importance, he said, are the "Three Truths" of living:

Life -- you set it up that way.

Your relationship with yourself determines your relationship with others.

Your relationships are supported by your lifestyle.

He didn't feel the need to elaborate much further since a) time was limited; and b) all of these suggestions can be found in one of his best-selling self-help books.

He finished his show by offering tips to a successful life.

"I've studied more than 1,000 success stories," he said. "They all had a list of common factors in every single story."

They had vision. "They know what they wanted and what it looked like to be successful."

They had a strategy. "They weren't living an assigned life -- they had a plan."

They took action. "The difference between winners and losers? Winners do things losers don't want to do."

They were willing to take a risk.

They dealt with the truth. "If your life is in the ditch, say it's in the ditch."

They had a nucleus of people around them who wanted them to succeed.

They were passionate. "Passion binds people together. You have a duty and a responsibility to be passionate."

While all of his tips in the show were delivered in a quick summary style -- well suited for a Cliffs Notes Guide to Better Living -- there were enough of them to be meaningful and worthwhile.

As Dr. Phil said: "My goal is for everybody here to get something out of this ... and to leave with something."

I walked away with a few take-it-or-leave-it suggestions on how to live a better life; that a two-hour self-help seminar can be funny and entertaining; and that Dr. Phil looks eerily similar to actor Jeffrey Tambor.

And on Saturday night, that was plenty.