Scene Selection — Geoff Carter: Catch the animated ‘Osbournes’ on DVD

Friday, March 7, 2003 | 9:23 a.m.

Geoff Carter is a Seattle based free-lance film critic and entertainment writer. Reach him at carter@pre2k.com.

At this point there are only four first-run sitcoms on television that are consistently funny. The bad news for the major networks is that three of them, "Sealab 2021," "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and "The Brak Show" appear only on Cartoon Network, and the fourth, "The Osbournes," is on MTV. And to add insult to injury, all four shows are cast entirely with cartoons.

The first season of "The Osbournes," available on DVD this week (Miramax Home Entertainment, $29.99), stars the looniest of these 'toons. Given a hundred years and an unlimited expense account for bourbon, the best of Hollywood's comedy writers couldn't come up with a better paterfamilias than Ozzy Osbourne.

Mike Brady and Archie Bunker may have had their moments, but they had limits to remind you that they were really actors speaking someone else's words. Ozzy, "The Prince of (expletive) Darkness," knows no such boundaries -- he doesn't have to force tears, mug to the camera or even stay awake for the proceedings. As a result, we identify with him more strongly than characters designed to be everymen.

Just a quick reminder: Ozzy was once arrested for urinating on the Alamo. He was once the prime suspect every time a 15-year-old boy went "bad." And there was that business with the bat's head, which isn't as nearly sickening in an era where Carrot Top is on television every single day.

Despite all this baggage, Ozzy is one of the sweetest dads you'll ever meet. He's affectionate with his wife, Sharon, dotes on children Jack and Kelly, and doesn't even spank the dogs when they pull an Alamo on the antique rugs.

He takes pride in his cooking ("International rock star and (expletive) gravy-maker extraordinaire") and can't figure out how to work the remote control -- the enemy of dads everywhere.

This two-disc set includes all 10 episodes from "The Osbournes' " historic first season, and frankly, I can't imagine a better way to approach the show if you haven't seen it.

The family banters through the menu, apparently watching the discs for the first time themselves (Sharon works the remote). Commentary tracks are provided for each and every episode, which seems fantastic to me somehow: It's the first time we've really wanted to hear a family talk through its home movies.

The DVD adds another dimension to your enjoyment of the show: subtitles for Ozzy's slurred, very Birmingham speech. You also have the option of watching the episodes without the volley of bleeps MTV liberally applies to the family's profane banter, but the captions really make the set. With subtitles, Ozzy is revealed to be a fairly smart guy, albeit one mildly terrified of the world around him.

A series of interviews, conducted in the aftermath of the show's wild success ("I wasn't surprised. I was stunned," Sharon says), make the family more likeable still. Sharon talks frankly about her colon cancer, Jack admits that he had a hard time facing the cameras, and Kelly professes gratitude for the show, even as she says, "I won't do this forever."

As for Ozzy himself, he can't say his piece better than he does in episode 10. Seated at gourmet dinner, he speaks directly to the viewer: "I'm not proud of everything I've done ... I'm not proud of biting the head off a bat. I'm not proud of having attention deficit disorder. But I'm a real guy, with real feelings.

"To be Ozzy Osbourne, it could be worse. I could be Sting."