Phone(y) Calls: ‘Crank Yankers’ walks the prank in Las Vegas

Kirk Baird

Monday, March 3, 2003 | 8:20 a.m.

The call goes something like this.

The phone rings. And rings again. Finally, what seems to be a younger woman answers.

"Hello, this is Pam," says a pleasant-sounding woman, who dutifully gives out the name of the fitness center where she is employed.

"Yeah," says the caller, "I'm out of shape and I want to get into shape. I'd like to make an appointment with a personal trainer."

Pam politely says OK, and proceeds to ask the caller when he would like to schedule the meeting. Before she can finish the available times, however, the caller begins to talk over her.

"I'd just like to get into shape. You know, begin to work out. Now when can I come in?" Pam starts again. "Well, we have time ... "

"I just want to make sure that you guys have flexible hours," the caller interrupts. "Well, we have time ... "

"I'm really looking for something early, but not too early, y'know?"

Audibly annoyed at the caller's propensity to halt her midsentence, Pam once again tries to schedule a workout session for the caller. And again she is cut off.

This charade continues for a few more minutes. Sometimes the caller lets Pam speak for a sentence or two, baiting the fitness center employee into believing she can get a word in edgewise, but always interrupts her.

In the Las Vegas recording studio, Digital Insight, where the call was made and is being taped, comedian Kevin Nealon, best known for his years on "Saturday Night Live," maintains a straight face. Nealon is responsible for the woman's misery. Or rather, his character

"Talk-Over Guy" is.

"Talk-Over Guy" has a one-gag personality. In that respect, he's the same as other Nealon prank call characters: "Obsessive-Complusive Disorder (OCD) Guy," "Over-Explainer Guy," "Drug Guy" and "MMmm-hhhhmmm Guy."

Nealon is making the call as part of a practical joke for the show "Crank Yankers," a half-hour comedy of recorded prank calls dubbed into puppets. "Crank Yankers" kicks off its second season at 10 p.m. Tuesday on Comedy Central (Cox cable channel 56).

In its first-season, "Crank Yankers" was the second-highest rated program on Comedy Central, behind "South Park." The shows are so popular, they've made the jump to CD format with "Crank Yankers: The Best of the Uncensored Crank Calls."

Sitting in front of Nealon at this moment are three of the show's writers, furiously scribbling suggestions for him on a marking board. The comedian carefully reads each idea, such as, "Ask about the hours" of the fitness center.

Nealon opts to run with that.

"What are your hours?" he asks.

Pam sighs.

"If you would just keep quiet for a minute, I'll tell you," she says, finally getting assertive. "We're open from ..."

"Because I work in the morning, so I need to find someone who is flexible with my schedule," Talk-Over Guy says. "I really want to get into shape. So, what are the hours again?"

"I have tried seven times to tell you what the hours are," Pam says, annoyed.

Talk-Over Guy tries to speak, but this time it is Pam who interrupts.

"Excuse me, can you stop for a minute?" she asks.

"I think you need to be a little more assertive on the phone," Talk-Over Guy states. "I don't want to buy anything."

"I'm not trying to sell you anything," Pam replies. "I'm trying to explain ... "

Nealon decides to go for the throat, pushing Pam's patience to the limits.

"Every time I try to talk, you talk over me. This is a dialogue not a monologue," he says. "Christ, do you ever shut up?"

With that, Pam has enough and hangs up.

Nealon, who up 'til now has remain stonefaced throughout the call, finally breaks, laughing at the misery he put Pam through.

"Oh boy, she put up with so much," he says in disbelief.

The writers agree. It was a really good call. Certainly good enough to make the show.

All that's left now is for a "Crank Yankers" assistant to call Pam back and ask her for permission to use the call on the show. This usually leads to some minor bribing on the assistant's part. Although the show offers no monetary payment to the crank-call victims, copies of the show or an autographed picture of the comedian or celebrity who made the call are often used to entice the victim to approve the use of the recording.

Once "Crank Yankers" has permission to use the call, it will go through the editing process, whittling the call from 10 minutes or more to around three.

Comedy Central has certainly taken a risk with "Crank Yankers." After all, the notion of Muppets making prank calls is probably not to everyone's taste.

But Nealon likes the concept.

"I think it's great. It really takes (the show) to another level," he said. "Besides just hearing the phone calls, it creates a whole scene so meticulously with the puppets and the details, little things you don't catch the first time."

Some of the more popular characters on the show include: Elmer Higgins, a cranky elderly man who's hard of hearing; Niles Standish, a sexually eccentric and well-to-do bachelor; Cammie, a blind stripper who won't perform without her seeing-eye dog; Spoonie Luv, a ladies' man with dating issues; and Special Ed, a mildly retarded caller who's a bit obsessive.

Politically correct, it ain't.

Car talk

Nealon and the writers had so much success with the last call, it seems a bit optimistic they will top it.

Nevertheless, they turn to the classifieds.

They dial a woman whose husband has his car for sale. Of course, he's not around, which is perfect for Nealon.

At first he begins the call as Talk-Over Guy, but as his mood shifts he morphs into the Over-Explainer Guy, going into painful detail about the car and the difference between "original miles and unoriginal miles," for example.

One writer scribbles for him to "make up parts on the car." Nealon smiles at the suggestion.

"Tell me about the exhaust window?" he asks.

"I honestly do not know," the perplexed woman replies.

"What's the born-on date?"

"Some of these things you're asking me ... I'm not a car person," she says.

She wants to know if this is a prank call. Nealon says no and continues to ask goofy questions about made-up car parts.

During her answers, he shifts into "MMmm-hhhhmmms," which seem to grow louder with each reply.

As the "MMmm-hhhhmmms" grow more obnoxious, the woman eventually has enough and hangs up.

The writers and Nealon all laugh at the turn of events with the call. They particularly like the "MMm-hhhhmmms" he was adding near the end of the call.

They make another crank call based on Nealon's ad-lib.

And so, the "MMmm-hhhhmmm Guy" is born.

Prank beginnings

The idea for "Crank Yankers" began, appropriately enough, with a prank call.

Former Las Vegas resident Jimmy Kimmel, no stranger to Comedy Central with "The Man Show" and formerly as co-host of "Win Ben Stein's Money" -- now host of his own late-night gab fest, "Jimmy Kimmel Live," weeknights on ABC -- came up with the show.

It all started one night after making a prank call from a hotel room to a club where he was scheduled to perform for a comedy roast. Kimmel pretended to be the bandleader for the show, who was having all sorts of problems and made a list of demands.

After the call, Kimmel realized the juvenile joy of prank calls is universal and would make a funny TV show.

The problem was how to go about it. Having comedian friends on the program to make the calls was no problem. Filming them and making it entertaining to the viewers, though, was another matter.

"To use people as themselves, we would wind up with more production costs," said "Crank Yankers" Producer John Kimmel, the younger brother of Jimmy. "And you can do more fantastic things with puppets than you could with real life."

Besides filming the callers, the idea of animating the calls was also briefly considered, "(But) the original title of the show, 'Prank Puppets,' seemed to roll off the tongue better than 'Crank Cartoons,' " Kimmel said.

"Plus, it was just kind of nice how we represent different talent with puppets. We thought it would be a fun way to do it."

Once the format was set, the next hurdle was the legality issue. Of the 50 states, only 12 allow one party to record another party over the phone without consent.

As it stands, Nevada is one of those states. And with its proximity to California -- particularly Los Angeles -- coming to Las Vegas for a few hours of work for a weekend of fun is appealing to many performers, Kimmel said.

So, while some crank calls have been recorded in New York and Colorado, a majority of them are recorded in Las Vegas.

Besides Nealon, actor Jeff Goldblum was recently in town for his first recording session. With callers consisting of well-known comedians such as Dave Chappelle, David Cross, Sarah Silverman, Andy Dick, Bobcat Goldthwait, Denis Leary, Tracy Morgan and the mock rock act Tenacious D (Jack Black and Kyle Gass), the show is beginning to rival "South Park" and "The Simpsons" for star power.

And there's even talk of getting The Jerky Boys to participate, the comedy-call duo from the '90s who made several popular prank call CDs and a movie.

"It's totally, totally juvenile. But it's fun, too, and entertaining," Nealon said. "I've gotten more laughs out of listening to crank calls because it is so juvenile."

Never saw it coming

After making a few calls with no answers, the show's producers decide to try one more home. A seemingly middle-aged woman answers.

"Yes," Nealon says. "I'm calling about your Jeep for sale."

The woman explains that it's not really her car, and that he should talk to the owner, her daughter.

She puts her on the phone.

"Yeah, I'm calling about the Jeep," Nealon says. "What can you tell me about it?"

As she describes the car to him, Nealon begins "MMmm-hhhhmmming" ever so slightly. He asks more questions about the car, such as the condition of its interior. As she answers, his "MMmm-hhhhmmms" become more noticeable. It's as if he's conducting an orchestra, slowly building the tempo.

The "MMmm-hhhhmmm Guy" gradually gets more assertive, his "MMmm-hhhhmmms" going from slow, almost sexual moans, to high-pitch, hyperactive squeals.

Finally, one writer can't take it any longer and has to leave the recording studio room, for fear his laughter will give the call away.

Meanwhile, all this time the daughter has patiently described the car, never once questioning the caller's intentions.

Nealon takes the prank to a new level of kiddie humor by adding grunts to the end of each "MMmm-hhhhmmm." The grunts then slowly turn into monkey squeals.

Again, the daughter says nothing, answering each question carefully while pretending as if nothing is wrong with the caller's mental faculties.

So Nealon drops the "MMmm-hhhhmmms" and goes into a full-on monkey impersonation. At this point the girl goes quiet as the comedian erupts into what can best be described as a simian zoo riot.

Still, the daughter waits silently on the phone for the caller to ask her another question. Nealon can take it no longer and begins to laugh. He realizes it's time to end the call.

"OK, I think I'll come take a look at it," he says, and hangs up.

Later Nealon was still shocked by how the daughter never caught on to the prank.

"She was obviously a younger girl," he said, "and hadn't had a lot of experience putting up with jackasses on the phone."

Wait 'til she sees the show.

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