Columnist Ron Kantowski: Best things in life are semi-free

Thursday, June 19, 2003 | 10:08 a.m.

Ron Kantowski is a Las Vegas Sun sports writer. Reach him at ron@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4088.

While I believe that life throws more wicked curveballs than batting-practice fastballs, every now and then a pleasant surprise drops into our laps.

For instance, there was the hot Saturday morning a couple of summers ago when my weed whacker up and quit like Roberto Duran. Normally, this wouldn't have been a big tragedy, but it quit in mid-whack. With one side trimmed and the other unkempt, my lawn looked like a bad haircut.

Not being mechanically inclined, I thought it might be something simple -- like the on-off switch, for instance -- so I took my broken whacker down to the closest Black and Decker shop for repairs.

I told "Hank" (at least that's what his name patch said) behind the counter what had happened, after which he took my trimmer and rudely tossed it onto a pile of other broken appliances. My mouth was still open when he handed me a shiny, new weed whacker.

For absolutely free.

And despite the fact that even if I could find the warranty on the old one, it would have been more expired than Leon Spinks' driver's license.

Never having bowled a 200 game, that was probably the highlight of my life until last week, when it was announced that the hastily arranged Lennox Lewis vs. Vitali Klitschko heavyweight title fight would be available to HBO subscribers at no extra charge.

Had this fight gone off in December as planned, it would have cost $49.95 on pay-per-view, and I would have had to invite a bunch of fringe relatives and neighbors I don't particularly care for into my living room to absorb the cost. You know, the kind who show up 15 minutes before the first undercard bout without a bag of chips. Or worse, a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best.

So just when you didn't think it could get any better, it did: No televised undercard before the main event.

In that my nose has never been broken and my knuckles only hurt when it's going to rain, four-rounders pitting some tough guy from Tijuana against a pug with a 6-2-1 record (even if he's had two big wins via knockout, as the ring announcer says) don't do that much for me.

So, let's see, not only do I get a blockbuster championship fight for free, I don't have to sit through a boring undercard for the privilege. This is like ordering those powered scissors and getting the clothes shaver at no extra cost.

"This fell into our lap, and you have to seize the moment," HBO Sports President Ross Greenburg said.

Greenburg made it sound like HBO simply wanted to do boxing fans a favor, but truth is with little time to promote the fight, it probably made more financial sense to scuttle the pay-per-view and put it on semi-free HBO, which will attract more viewers.

And as was suggested in a USA Today story Wednesday, perhaps the network still feels a little guilty for fleecing the public with Oscar De La Hoya vs. Yory Boy Campos and Marco Antonio Barrera vs. Kevin Kelley pay-per-view mismatches earlier this year.

But even if I wasn't afraid of horses, I'd never look a gift one in the mouth.

My plan for Saturday is to mow the lawn, trim it with my free weed whacker and then settle in for a rock 'em, sock 'em fight that won't cost me a nickel, thanks to Tony Soprano and those Sex in the City chicks.

Now, if only Larry Merchant would contract laryngitis during the weigh-in.