Las Vegas Sun

March 28, 2024

Where I Stand — Brian Greenspun: Lessons of our fathers

It is a privilege to celebrate Father's Day.

I can't think of any greater feeling than that of being a father. A hole in one comes close, but misses by a mile when compared to the enduring pleasure that comes from knowing that there is a younger person on this Earth who calls you Dad and who, for a good part of his or her life, hangs on your every word, follows your every example and tries to learn from every story you tell. And then, surpasses your wildest dreams.

That's the vision of fatherhood. The reality can be very different and, in this very complicated world, often is. What we hope for our children is not always what they become so we learn to be grateful when they are healthy, productive, happy and drug free. That's a set of criteria that I am pretty sure differs greatly from the hopes and dreams my parents and their's had for their children.

I thought of the changing dynamics of parenthood and, because of what today is, the simple fact of fatherhood, as I listened to the tragic news that has become so much a part of life in the Middle East. The news, which is more and more about death and destruction, no longer fits the classic definition of news, which is something different from the ordinary. In today's world, a suicide bomber blowing innocent lives -- many of them children -- to bits is the norm in that part of the world.

Death and destruction, horror and pain have become commonplace. What those Israeli parents wouldn't give for children who aren't quite as happy, aren't quite as productive, aren't quite as drug free and aren't quite as healthy as the kids we hope for over here. At least they would be alive.

And the same goes for the parents of those young people who have been so corrupted in their own thinking that they sacrifice themselves for some meaningless gesture called martyrdom. Sometimes they are encouraged by their own parents -- the thought of such a gesture is too horrific to comprehend -- but most times they leave behind grieving fathers and mothers who, like the parents of the victims, don't understand the evil forces which drove them to such violence.

I know it would be far more pleasant on this of all days to just enjoy my family and friends, but somehow I can't get out of my mind the tragedies that some fathers must deal with just because of where they live. Try being an African parent today in a land in which 3 million people or more have been slaughtered in the name of something stupid, so many of them just children. Or what about being a father in a country in which destroying or mutilating girl babies is expected. Sure, it is tradition, but it is also unnatural and inhuman.

Those of us who are fathers in this great country, where we and our children live free and live well, many times turn away from the tragedies that define life in other lands. We either assume someone else will lend a hand in our name or, worse, choose to do nothing.

And, even here, those of us in whose hands repose the responsibility to make sure our own children and their friends -- that would be our neighbor's kids -- have the greatest opportunity to grow up not only free but free to seize on the opportunities that abound in these United States, sometimes shirk that role and turn aside when we should be turning toward the challenges that lay in the paths to better lives.

Whether it is standing up for better schools, safer streets, cleaner parks, better libraries, better jobs or any of a number of qualifiers of a good life, we sometimes fail to show up when our names are called. We have excuses, to be sure, but the bottom line is that children depend upon the fathers amongst us to make the kind of choices that give them the best chance for success and happiness. And we are not always there.

I am thinking specifically of those who we have empowered to represent us in leadership positions. We need selflessness not selfishness. We need people who think of others, not just themselves. We need leaders, not sheep. We need, in short, the kind of fathers -- and mothers -- who will stand up for the kids, not shrink off to the side when the tough decisions have to be made.

It wasn't that long ago that the Greatest Generation sacrificed all it had to make sure those who followed had every chance for success in a world in which the greatest of failures threatened to destroy all that was good. Just a couple of months ago, young fathers, many of whom left our shores to enter harm's way without ever seeing their newborns, took up arms to fight for a better life for not only their kids but the children of strangers whose futures could only be made better because of what those brave fighting men would do.

Some people will cringe at the idea that I would think of such things on Father's Day, rather than just enjoying the day for what it is. But I think there is no better day to think of such things because being a father is not only special but brings with it a special responsibility.

I learned this lesson from a great man who also learned it from a great man. I learned it from my father.

I think we all learned such lessons from our fathers. It is time we remembered them.

Brian Greenspun

is editor of the Las Vegas Sun.

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