Las Vegas Sun

March 28, 2024

Father time

WEEKEND EDITION: June 15, 2003

As families spend today reflecting and celebrating dear old Dad, Ken Canfield stays attentive year-round.

The author of "7 Secrets of Effective Fathers" (Tyndale, 1992) and "The Heart of a Father" (Northfield Publishing, 1996), founded the National Center for Fathering in 1990.

As one of several fatherhood organizations that emerged during the last two decades, the Kansas City, Mo., group researches, studies and provides information on fatherhood.

Its website, fathers.com, features articles, data and general tips for advice-seeking dads. Staff members lecture and conduct outreach to groups of varying social and economic backgrounds.

While traveling through Springdale, Ark., as part of a "Father of the Year" essay contest, Canfield took the time to talk with the Las Vegas Sun:

Las Vegas Sun: You have an educational background in philosophy and historical theology. What led you to focus specifically on fatherhood?

Ken Canfield: A social-science research conducted in the mid-1980s on family systems showed there was a void in what fathers should be doing to improve the outcome of their children. And in the media, mother articles outnumbered father articles 7-to-1. You get the semantic that parenting is equated to motherhood.

Sun: Since your research began, you've heard from thousands of fathers seeking to become better dads. Is this a relatively new concept?

KC: There's usually two things that lead a father to this. There's usually an epiphany or a crisis. At your child's birth, you connect and bond and say, "I gotta stay on top of this." Or your own issues of family begin to process as you become a parent. Issues that are unresolved can create a crisis.

Sun: Fifty years ago dads were generally thought to be the emotionally distant disciplinarian. You've stated that the father was once expected merely to be a financial provider.

KC: A father was a good father if he brought home the bacon. One of the myths is, 'The more you brought home, the better father you were.' That is so not true.

KC: What have you learned from reading children's essays regarding their fathers?

KC: Kids say it better than anyone else; you see a deep sense of conviction, of anguish.

Sun: So not all of the essays are coming from healthy, happy homes?

KC: I would say that 30 percent of the essays are full of pain.

Sun: And adult children?

KC: A Gallup Poll we conducted showed that the majority of Americans believe that most people have unresolved issues with their fathers (54 percent).

Sun: But overall things have changed?

KC: Yes. It's been a steady progression. What we did (as a society) was not good, we created systemic barriers. For example, the birthing room in the '50s. Dad was in waiting room down the hall smoking cigars. That inhibits the bonding.

In the 1960s there was an escalating divorce rate, fathers were cut out of the house. Custody automatically went to the mother. The majority of fathers had little or no contact with children after divorce. That's a systemic barrier right there. In the '70s and '80s ... the children are having children.

Sun: When did stronger father/child relationships begin?

KC: In the mid-'80s there was a bright reminder that dads are important. There was a cultural message, "Dads, we need you." And in the '90s public awareness increased. Also, fathers were ushered into the birth room in the 1970s, creating a bond.

There's a growing movement where fathers are spending more time with their children. If you stay connected (to your child), you're going to benefit the health of your child in many ways, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Sun: What do dads you work with usually want to know?

KC: They want tips: "What do I do?" What sort of plan should they develop? There are many different situations. You begin the conversation by asking their family of origin. It becomes helpful for a dad to see where he's come from and where he's going.

Sun: What advice do you give to dads working long hours?

KC: You think about how fast life is lived. He's got to make a decision. He can wait and see the effects or he can be proactive and navigate ... put his career on the back burner. You only have 18 years.

Sun: You use the term "effective fathering." What constitutes, in your research, an effective father?

KC: We studied the habits of highly effective fathers whose fathering techniques were confirmed by professionals, adult children and wives of those fathers.

First, an effective father is a father showing higher levels of commitment to be motivated in fathering tasks; secondly, to know their children; third, they were consistent, predictable; fourth, they were protectors and providers; fifth, they loved their children's mother; sixth, they were active listeners,

Lastly, they provide ethically, morally and spiritually.

Sun: What is the result of this?

KC: More stable long-term relationships that are reciprocal ... I think there's a generational benefit that we can't fully measure as of yet.

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