Columnist Susan Snyder: ‘Experience’ the thrill of shopping

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 | 8:15 a.m.

The eyedrops pushed me over the edge.

I spent no less than 20 minutes strolling up and down the "health and beauty" aisles of our neighborhood supermarket searching for them.

Finding something you actually need in a supermarket has become harder than finding a Nevada state legislator eager for another special session.

Eyedrops, one would assume, would be in the health and beauty section where aisles are clearly marked "hair care," "foot care" and the ever-descriptive "body care."

You'd have better luck finding something in the wilderness with a compass.

The problem here is that supermarkets have decided we need more than groceries. We need a "shopping experience."

Before you even get inside the door most weekends, you can give to your favorite charity -- or at least to the one blocking your path -- by purchasing raffle tickets, cookies or entertainment coupon books.

Once inside the store, we can buy a cell phone, a newspaper subscription, a video, a piece of lawn furniture and a latte. We are encouraged to enjoy a beverage from the cooler while we shop, as long as we remember to have the clerk scan the empty bottle at the checkout stand.

Fat chance. We have been inside the store 10 minutes and already can't remember what the devil we came in for.

Oh, right. Food. Get a cart.

But which one?

There are carts with baby seats. Carts with seats for older children. Carts attached to motorized chairs. Carts attached to plastic cars intended to make a trip to the grocery store feel like a trip to Disneyland (or a trip down Interstate 15, depending on whether you're riding in it or trying to get around it).

Yet, they still haven't managed to manufacture a conventional cart without an idiot wheel.

And idiot wheels are far more difficult to maneuver now that our "shopping experience" has been enhanced with free-standing displays sitting in the middle of every available space.

A small intestine has fewer twists and turns than the average produce section. I rolled around the tomatoes and peppers twice Sunday simply because there was only room enough to make right turns.

Summerlin's roundabout from hell is inside a supermarket.

One supermarket chain has enhanced our "shopping experience" by grouping products according to their corresponding meals. If the industry truly needs to travel down this road, it should instead group products by lifestyle.

For example, an aisle could be set aside for foods one can eat from a single bowl while standing over the kitchen sink. This would put Special K next to Top Ramen and Chef Boy-Ar-Dee. It makes as much sense as putting maple syrup next to cake mixes rather than other condiments.

Another aisle could be devoted to working moms, with Pampers, Lunchables, apple juice and peanut butter on one side, and ear plugs, chocolate, red wine and Tylenol on the other.

We must let the supermarket industry know that we don't need a "shopping experience." We need toilet paper, a dozen eggs and eyedrops.

I never did find those. Should've checked the automotive aisle.