Columnist Jon Ralston: A few last-minute gift ideas

Friday, Dec. 19, 2003 | 4:55 a.m.

Jon Ralston hosts the news discussion program Face to Face on Las Vegas ONE and publishes the Ralston Report. He can be reached at (702) 870-7997 or at ralston@vegas.com.

WEEKEND EDITION Dec. 20 - 21, 2003

THE MALLS ARE clogged. Hanukkah already has begun. And no time to get an on-line order delivered by Christmas.

So what to get for your favorite elected official or organization with so few shopping days left? Luckily, I happen to have the lists of what certain folks need most this holiday season:

Gov. Kenny Guinn: A dramatic party switch. Assemblyman Bob Beers and Nevadans for Sound Government's lone member, George Harris, move to Massachusetts to fight the good anti-tax fight. A Democratic Assembly.

Sen. Harry Reid: Four Republican pygmies. Three Democratic congressmen. Two more terms. And an endorsement from the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

Rep. Jim Gibbons: The chairmanship of the House Intelligence Committee. The chairmanship of the House Intelligence Committee. The chairmanship of the House Intelligence Committee.

Speaker Richard Perkins: Jim Gibbons gets the chairmanship of the House Intelligence Committee. Henderson Mayor Jim Gibson decides to take a different track than running for governor. A Democratic Assembly.

Sen. John Ensign: Photos of him pulling Saddam out of the hole. A Shermanesque statement on running for governor.

Rep. Shelley Berkley: No opponent. A Democratic House.

Rep. Jon Porter: No opponent. Better hearing. People hearing of him.

The Democratic Party: A message. Some courage. A few candidates couldn't hurt.

The Republican Party: Only one message on taxes. The truth on taxes: That virtually every GOP legislator would have voted for a record tax increase, just not at $836 million.

Lt. Gov. Lorraine Hunt: Lots of Chinese tourists. Kenny Guinn's sudden retirement.

Attorney General Brian Sandoval: Spanish lessons. A brilliant court argument that stops Yucca Mountain. Throwing the regents out of office.

Secretary of State Dean Heller: A poll that shows him beating Harry Reid. A poll that shows him beating Brian Krolicki, Kathy Augustine and Richard Ziser. A poll that shows he is handsome and will appeal to women.

Treasurer Brian Krolicki: More campaign ads disguised as public service announcements.

Controller Kathy Augustine: An abacus to count her campaign donations for the U.S. Senate.

Clark County Commissioner Chip Maxfield: No more asinine comparisons to his predecessor, Lance Malone.

Clark County Commissioner Mark James: A long-winded explanation of how, as a state senator, he paved the way for Red Rock Station to be built by sponsoring his "no neighborhood casinos will ever be built again" bill, which actually guaranteed more would be built, including what will be the largest one ever on Charleston Boulevard near 215, which he now opposes.

Clark County Commissioner Mary Kincaid-Chauncey: Reality biting. Friends who don't let friends run for re-election when they have no chance.

Clark County Commissioner Yvonne Atkinson Gates: A lower horse to mount when chiding her colleagues' ethical transgressions.

Former County Commissioners Erin Kenny, Lance Malone and Dario Herrera: A mysterious fire that destroys all those wiretap records in the federal building. If not, some really dumb jurors.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Raggio: Mark Amodei and Ann O'Connell announce he should be majority leader and Finance Committee chairman for life. If not, Amodei and O'Connell retire.

Assemblyman Bob Beers: A conversion kit to the LDS church. That would assure he will become a state senator, something less than a religious experience these days.

State Sen. Ray Rawson: Some beers. He's going to need them.

Mayor Oscar Goodman: Consistency. Sobriety. More Teflon -- I think he's going to need it next year.

Las Vegas Councilman Michael Mack: Ethics. Lyrics to the scarecrow's song in "The Wizard of Oz" to sing before he makes all those disclosures at City Council meetings.

Las Vegas City Manager Doug Selby: Rolaids. More Rolaids. A new job working for people who respect him.

Clark County Manager Thom Reilly: A guarantee that Rory Reid and Bruce Woodbury won't leave anytime soon. If not, Rolaids. More Rolaids.

Assemblyman Wendell Williams: A job.

Ex-Community college boss Ron Remington: His old job.

Chancellor Jane Nichols: Holding onto her job.

Regents: Sanity.

Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce: A conscience.

The Nevada Resort Association: Some members.

Finally, I'd like to give the gift of thanks to those who rarely get it:

The countless staffers who work for government who are well-intentioned, work hard and don't take sick leave unless they are sick.

The numerous honest politicians who still believe in public service and are willing to endure the sacrifices, including a refusal to compromise their ethics by soliciting business and making money for themselves and their families and a commitment to suffer the slings and arrows of the nattering nabobs to do good for goodness sake.

And those rare humanitarians -- homeless advocate Linda Lera Randle-El comes to mind -- who toil for noble and too often lost causes because they believe in them, not because they want headlines or attention.

Happy holidays.