Not much joy sticks to ‘VGAs’

Kirk Baird

Wednesday, Dec. 3, 2003 | 8:23 a.m.

The Oscars turn 75 next year.

The Golden Globes reached 60 in January.

And the Emmys recently celebrated its 55th birthday.

The inaugural "Video Game Awards" (VGAs) have a lot of growing up to do -- in more ways than one.

Taped Tuesday night at the MGM Grand Garden Arena -- to air at 9 p.m. Thursday on Spike TV (Cox cable channel 29) -- the "VGAs" were a mostly adolescent affair.

We had:

Scantily clad women.

Numerous sexual innuendos related by said women.

Profanity.

Oh, and full-frontal male nudity by the talentless Steve-O and Chris Pontius of "Jackass" and now "Wildboyz" fame, who appeared as presenters.

Leave it to Spike TV to make MTV's award shows seem like highbrow entertainment.

It didn't help matters that the host, David Spade, was merely going through the motions as a comic.

His appearance on the "VGAs" was a clear case of desperation, as Spade himself seemed to joke in his opening monologue.

"They asked me to host the 'Video Game Awards.' I said go (expletive) yourself. They said, 'How 'bout 50 bucks? I said, 'I'm there.' "

Poor Spade.

The comedian is gifted enough for fans to recall that he is funny. And puzzle over why he's not anymore. (See: "Lost and Found," "Joe Dirt" and "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star.")

Sadder still was the sight of Ray Liotta as an award winner. The actor accepted an award for Best Performance by a Human for his role in "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City," beating out porn star Jenna Jameson, Snoop Dogg, Def Jam Crew and David Duchovny.

Liotta, the "Goodfellas," star seemed less than thrilled with the honor, showing up to give a seconds-long acceptance speech that amounted to "thanks" and "I can't wait to do the sequel."

Also on hand was Pamela Anderson, as the presenter for Best Fantasy Game.

The former Playboy Playmate and inadvertent amateur pornstar remarked that her fantasy was for "30, subservient hard men who never talk." In strolled a garrison of Stormtroopers who surrounded Anderson for the ultimate geek dream and bad punchline.

Other live (as opposed to taped) celebrity appearances included: Jameson, Lil' Kim, Jamie Pressly, Orlando Jones and WWE wrestlers Chris Jerico, Rey Mysterio, Trish and Victoria, whose wrestling match ended with, predictably, a near-nude catfight.

The highlight of the entire affair were strong performances by DMX, P.O.D. and Andrew W.K. -- the latter in particular, if for nothing else than to see the lead singer thrash wildly onstage in a wheelchair as he nursed a broken foot.

As for the video game awards themselves, they almost seemed an afterthought in the crowd of raunchy entertainment.

No one in the industry gave an acceptance speech after a victory. And the award, the Spike Man (looking suspiciously similar to a Space Invader), was presented with zero fanfare, as if it didn't matter.

Of course, it's difficult to compete with women nearly falling out of dresses. Or, for that matter, with two male presenters who inexplicably decide to flash their wares to an audience of approximately 6,000, including children and teenagers.

And that's what's so frustrating about the "VGAs."

After years of being dismissed as a novelty pastime for children, video games have finally overcome the critics. Video games are treated to the same kind of pre-release fanfare as movies and CDs, and remain an increasingly innovative driving force behind technology.

Meanwhile the video game industry survived a mid-'80s crash only to grow into a multibillion-dollar business in the entertainment field.

The video game industry has grown up.

Here's hoping the "VGAs" do, too.