Taking an ill-suited tour through MAGIC convention

Kirk Baird

Thursday, Aug. 28, 2003 | 8:35 a.m.

Where are the "Queer Eye" guys when you need 'em?

I'm standing in the middle of the Men's Apparel Guild in California (MAGIC) trade show at the Las Vegas Convention Center.

The three-day expo, which concludes today, features nearly all the major and minor men's clothing designers. There's also a sister show for women at the Sands Expo and Convention Center. While it's not open to the public, nearly 85,000 representatives of retail outlets from department stores to mom-and-pop boutiques are in attendance to purchase their spring-summer line for 2004.

I'm wearing a $4 lime-green, short-sleeved shirt from Target, a pair of navy Polo pants, a faded, brown-leather weave belt pulled to near Stretch Armstrong proportions and brown loafers with a portion of the rubber soul MIA. I'm as out of my element as a member of Mensa in the Oval Office.

So really, who better to write about MAGIC, the largest apparel and accessories trade show in the United States?

With 3,000 booths, there's a lot to cover.

I begin with the suits.

Sleek, contemporary suits. Bold ties. Shoes buffed to perfection. And perfectly coiffed salesmen and women hawking their wares.

There are names such as Allora, Peerless Couture International, Baroni Uomo, Brandolini, Creme de Silk. There is also Ivy League representation -- sort of -- with both a Yale and Cornell clothing maker.

There is even a Swank Inc. The only Swanks I know of, though, are the men's adult magazine and Oscar winner Hilary.

Feeling out of sorts, I make my way to the leisure apparel. With names such as Perry Ellis, Timberland, Kenneth Cole, Ralph Lauren and Nautica, I am more in my element.

Or so I think.

As I turn a corner, I confront the spring-summer 2004 lineup for 4 You. The designer label has several mannequins with strained faces and smug dispositions. They are decked out in some makeshift 1970s-style duds.

Lined up side-by-side, the seven mannequins look like rejects from the cult film "The Warriors."

Then, as I near the "casual lifestyles" section, I come across this rather charming booth for the designer Religion, which offers up the slogan, "Religion -- The Drug of the Masses Tour."

I'm not really sure what that means, but it doesn't seem to matter as their booth is rather full -- catchy slogan or not.

As best I could tell, Religion's line of clothes feature enough black to outfit a small army of Cure fans. Robert Smith would be proud.

From there I mill over to the hat section.

OK, admittedly I have been out of the fashion circles for quite some time -- my idea of a fancy evening is a buffet and a foreign film (bonus highbrow points if it's subtitled). But I've noticed men's hats popping up on trendy heads all over. Not the ol' ball cap, mind you, but the fedora.

MAGIC features several booths loaded with fedoras, from mobster-style to a plaid-colored hat straight off the PGA Tour, circa 1971.

There are even straw hats straight from "Hee Haw." Saaa-lute!

Wandering back through the "casual style" area of the show, I notice most booths seem to have one of two distinct themes: rugged or Tiki.

In the case of Moose Creek, the designer modeled its booth after a ski lodge, complete with an all-wood facade, various snow skis and a bowl of peanuts -- which could be part of the decor or for hungry sales personnel.

Despite the elaborate designs of the booths, the clothes seem rather indistinguishable from one designer to the next. Most of them are similar to what's already offered in stores. In fact, if you're curious about spring-summer 2004 duds, get into your car and drive to the nearest mall and look around. Behold -- the spring-summer of tomorrow, today.

On my way over to the T-shirt area, I stop and watch a runway model show.

I can't help but notice every model is wearing a scowl along with the trendy threads. They're young, beautiful and they get to wear expensive designer clothes -- so why so dour?

Maybe it's the realization that they have to return the goods when they're finished modeling.

Later, after speaking to Camille Candella, marketing director for MAGIC, I learn that the big trend for the show is contemporary in both designer and street wear. She also says that retro is alive and well.

"It's been happening for a while," she said. "But it's still strong."

Although, I'm beginning to wonder if it really ever left.

Candella then marks some booths for me to check out as part of the "contemporary street movement." I guess "street movement" is PC for urban.

Whatever. They are basically the same type of clothes Steve Martin wore as part of his hip-hop disguise in "Bringing Down the House." That scene wasn't particularly amusing, and I guess that's the same attitude I have for the clothes.

While in the "street movement" area, I find several interesting booths that catch my eye. There are the duct tape wallets from Ducti. Made entirely of super duct tape (as opposed to the ordinary variety), the wallets are sealed with Velcro. And nothing impresses the ladies more than a Velcro wallet.

"Here, honey, let me pay for that."

Scccccrrrrrruuuunnchhhhh.

Further down the same row I pop into the Emily the Strange booth.

Based on a loner adolescent with a "funny but dark" disposition, Emily looks like Winona Ryder's character, Lydia Deitz, from "Beetlejuice."

Emily first appeared on skateboards a decade ago, but now the dour girl is on everything from shirts, socks and shoes to purses, bags and stationary. There's even an animated film in development based on Emily.

"Even though our target audience is girls and women 13 to 30, Emily appeals to men and women 2 to 70," says Michele Vlasimsky, a PR representative for Cosmic Debris, which owns the rights to Emily. "She also appeals to rock 'n' rollers. They do lots of stuff with her."

One can only imagine.

On my way out, I get sucked into the Hustler booth.

I learn that, unlike the previously mentioned Swank Inc., the Hustler clothing line is based on the men's adult magazine.

The scantily clad woman wearing a tight-hugging T-shirt that says "Barely Legal" is my first clue.

The buxom blond is Hustler Honey for October, Alyssa Lovelace. She assures me she is of no relation to the legendary late porn queen, Linda.

Lovelace says Hustler offers everything from lingerie to sports gear in its Threads & Accessories (T&A) line.

She is also hawking an autographed centerfold for $10.

A girl's gotta make a living, I suppose.

I decline paying the $10 -- that's a package of T-shirts at Target -- and head for home. Before I get to my car, however, I stop by one of the two prayer rooms MAGIC offers for any guest of the show.

This particular room is on the second floor of the Convention Center. It's dark, cold and filled with 20 rows of chairs with not a soul in sight.

So, I claim a chair and bow my head to say a little prayer to develop a better fashion sense before MAGIC rolls back into town in February.

After what I've seen this day, I'm in dire need of help -- heavenly or otherwise.

archive