Nevada rates ninth in stepchildren

By Timothy Pratt (contact)

Friday, Aug. 22, 2003 | 11:33 a.m.

When Luz Ramirez started to date Herbey Gonzalez three years ago, she wasn't sure how her 6-year-old daughter would take to him.

"She would never talk to any men that came around after I separated from her dad," she said.

Now that she's married to Herbey, her daughter, Margarita, insists on using the last name of Gonzalez, and the family lives together under one Las Vegas roof.

They are among the blended families reflected in a new Census Bureau report that shows Nevada was among the 10 states with the highest percent of children who live with stepparents.

According to the report, released today, 6.6 percent of all children in Nevada were stepchildren in 2000, ranking the state ninth nationwide. The same report showed 2.3 percent of Nevada's children were adoptees, tying the state for third from last.

And though Luz said her new family has given her and her daughter a renewed lease on life, experts said the report's numbers aren't good news for the state as a whole.

They said they think the rankings show Nevada isn't the best place for families to stay together -- as shown by the high numbers of divorces and unmarried couples in earlier census reports -- and also isn't friendly to children. The two put together explain the numbers in the report, they say.

Linda Wilcox, manager for the Court Appointed Special Advocates, an agency that works for children who are wards of the state, agreed.

"I think there is a connection between the two when you look at the community as a whole," Wilcox said.

"There is a lack of stability ... and the high percentage of stepchildren would be related to the high divorce rate ... and with this being a 24-hour, transient town," she said.

"We're also not a very progressive community when it comes to kid issues ... and when push comes to shove, we're more concerned about infrastructure and gaming."

Wilcox said the county currently has about 1,500 children under 18 in its care. Too little money is spent educating the public about adoption and on recruiting parents who might be interested in adopting children, she said. That helps keep adoption rates low.

Mark Odell, professor of marriage and family therapy at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas said that Nevada is a "heavily individualistic state ... where the idea is as long as I have income to pay my bills, I don't need anybody else.

"You have to work hard to find an environment that is child- and family-friendly here," he said.

This makes it hard for families to stay together, which contributes to the high numbers of blended families, or families with children from different marriages.

As well, "the transiency and inconsistency of lifestyles might also be related to the low numbers of adopted children," he said.

Blended families like the Gonzalezes pose a challenge for all involved and for society in general, Odell said.

"Research on (these types of) families doesn't paint the rosiest picture," he said.

"Though couples that remarry show increased economic opportunities, that is often at the cost of emotional issues for the children, like loyalties and conflicts between extended families," Odell said.

Terry McDermott moved from California to Las Vegas 1 1/2 years ago with his son Patrick, who was then 8, and met Natalie Xi shortly thereafter. Xi had a daughter Austin, then 3. Xi had separated from Austin's father when Austin was very young and the girl had no memory of her father, McDermott said.

The two couples started living together and recently married, but are still working out the relationships under their Green Valley roof and the relationship with Patrick's mother, who lives in another state.

"Austin rejected me at first," McDermott said. "I would have to tell her, 'You don't run the household,' since she was used to being alone with her mother.

"She didn't want me to take her to school, or pick her up afterwards," he said.

The conflicts at home caused by remarrying or new relationships between the adults in the house can lead to problems for children in school and in general while they undergo the transition to a new life, Odell said.

"If you look at the school system, you're talking about numbers of children who may be coming from less stable environments ... and their concentration and ability to perform in school may not be the same," he said.

Luz said she feels fortunate that the bonding has been so complete between her 9-year-old daughter and her second husband that the girl insisted her third grade diploma bear the last name of Gonzalez.

"She even told me that I better not ever separate from Herbey, or she'll stay with him," Luz said, then laughed.