Las Vegas Sun

March 19, 2024

Notifying families of deaths difficult

Standing on a front porch waiting to deliver the news to a family that a loved one has been killed in action is the hardest part of Maj. Vic Toney's job as the senior Protestant chaplain at Nellis Air Force Base.

"You stand out there on the porch, and this emotional weight just bears down on you," Toney said. "Your heart's beating out of your chest and you're just trying to focus on what you have to do."

Toney says he's been on porches with those feelings running through him too many times to count over his 14 years with the Air Force, but he wants the responsibility even though it means devastating a family.

"It's actually a great privilege, because as a chaplain you want to be where you're most needed," Toney said. "As a chaplain you want to be there at the worst time because you feel that there is some way you can help them get through it."

Toney and other Nellis officials are thankful that they have not yet had to notify any families of the death of an airman in Operation Iraqi Freedom, but they are ready should the need arise, said base commander Col. Gerald Sawyer.

"The notification must be dignified, compassionate and immediate," said Sawyer, who commands the 99th Air Base Wing. "As soon as we get word of the casualty we are on the clock, and we want to be able to inform the family within four hours.

"The last thing we want is for the family to see it on TV or in a newspaper, before we can tell them in a dignified manner."

Nellis personnel assisted the U.S. Marines in notifying families about four Marines injured during the fighting in Iraq, and they often have to send casualty notification teams to other states.

"A lot of times we're the closest base, so we have to go," said Wilkie Walker, who works with the base's mortuary affairs unit. "We've had to go to Arizona, Utah and California in the past."

As soon as Nellis is notified of a casualty, a next of kin is determined through Nellis' computer database, and a four-member team is dispatched to the family's residence. The team is made up of an officer of equal or higher rank than the deceased, a chaplain, a medical technician in case family members suffer physical problems when they get the news, and a driver.

Capt. Rene Trevino, an active-duty instructor for Las Vegas' two local U.S. Marine platoons, said that the Marines follow a similar protocol when dealing with casualties.

"As soon as we get word of a casualty everything else we're doing stops," said Trevino, who oversaw training for Fox Company's platoons before they were deployed to Iraq. "We send an officer and a chaplain and usually a Navy corpsman."

The team eventually arrives on a porch similar to the ones Toney has been on so many times before.

"You never know what is going to happen as you're waiting at the door," Toney said. "Sometimes people don't answer the door or run away from us. One time I had to tackle a spouse because she was going to hurt herself.

"Sometimes you're there after midnight and you wake up a pregnant wife with two kids. You just don't know."

Toney says he doesn't follow a script, instead he reacts to each situation and offers any spiritual aid he can.

"I always offer to pray with the family," Toney said.

The notification is never over the phone, Sawyer said.

"That was the crux of the recent scam where people were getting phone calls saying their family member had been killed in action," Sawyer said. "That doesn't happen, it's always in person."

Within 24 hours of the initial notification a second team of military officials visits the family to explain the benefits that the family is entitled to.

Families of military personnel killed while on active duty receive a $6,000 death payment within 24 hours. In addition all funeral costs are paid for, including any travel costs for the family to the funeral. Officials also explain insurance benefits to the families, the amount of which varies depending on how much coverage the family chose to have.

"A family liaison officer is assigned to the family and arranges whatever they need," Sawyer said. "Maybe they need some car care, or a pet picked up, or they need housing on the base extended.

"The Air Force follows up with the family, and after a year they get a letter asking how they are doing."

Those delivering the news are left to their own devices to deal with the pain the information brings to families.

"It takes an emotional chunk out of you and it takes a while to recover," Toney said. "There's not a heavier burden you can deliver."

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