Columnist Susan Snyder: Hissing at a dog day afternoon

Friday, April 18, 2003 | 8:42 a.m.

Susan Snyder's column appears Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at snyder@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4082.

The mail is going to be awful, but restraint has never been one of my strengths.

"Take Your Dog to Work Day?"

(Sigh.)

There are so many "Why?" questions.

For example, why is the press announcement being sent out in April for an event scheduled June 20?

So that desperately seeking columnists will write about it, I suppose. At least this way, it'll be so early that maybe my dog-owning co-workers will forget about it.

But why take your dog to work?

It's rhetorical. Don't call.

U.S. Census figures show 36 percent of pet owners have dogs, while 31 percent prefer cats. And while 4.6 percent of pet owners preferred birds, 100 percent of pet cats preferred birds. (OK. I made up that last one.)

Why are 31 percent of us content to leave our pets at home where they belong, while 36 percent of us insist on toting them around like children?

Well, it's because if cats wanted to go to work they'd have jobs and run all the Fortune 500 companies. But cats don't want to go to work. They don't even want to get in the car. Mine won't leave the living room sofa after 8 a.m.

Take Your Dog to Work Day is sponsored by Pet Sitters International, a North Carolina organization. On a small scale, it's a day to inflict your pet's personal habits on your co-workers.

On a more broad -- and more appealing -- scale, it's a day to celebrate dog ownership and encourage pet adoptions from local shelters.

Couldn't we do that just as effectively with Bring a Picture of Your Dog to Work Day?

If anything, seeing someone's schnauzer shove his schnozzle up a co-worker's pant leg promotes ownership of, say, a goldfish.

(Or a cat. Oh, don't call.)

I have nothing against dogs. I grew up owning dogs -- fox terriers. And owning fox terriers is like owning monkeys. There is no rest.

I cannot fathom, for instance, what it would have been like bringing old Jiggs to the office. This is a dog that ate scrambled eggs each morning, then would run to the door to wipe its mouth on my father's pant cuffs as he tried to get out the door for work.

Duke, who succeeded Jiggs, wouldn't eat his food unless my father crouched down on all fours and pretended to eat from Duke's bowl.

But now I am owned by a cat, which will not allow anything into the home that does not directly benefit him. If it has a pulse, it must have opposable thumbs or be small enough to kill. (The cat weighs 17 pounds, so some dogs fall into the latter category.)

The Take Your Dog To Work Day proponents offer a list of "Ten Dos and Don'ts" for the event. It talks about making sure your dog is obedient in all situations and socialized to all kinds of people.

Do bring a water bowl, dog biscuits and a favorite toy to keep the dog entertained. (Undoubtedly something that squeaks incessantly or some slobber-soaked ball your co-workers will feel obligated to toss.)

Don't bring the dog if your boss says no or a co-worker is allergic to them, the list says. And above all, don't get Take Your Dog To Work Day confused with Take Your Cat To Work Day.

Not a chance. Cats don't go to work.