Columnist Susan Snyder: Fun, follies for former Floridian

Friday, Sept. 13, 2002 | 3:39 a.m.

I have an aversion to election season.

Ratty roadway signs and self- deceptive speeches are bad enough. But now I have to admit that my family lives in Florida.

"Aren't you from Florida?" a co-worker asked in the break room the other day, as she waved around the latest wire story about the Sunshine State's fated primary.

It wasn't so much the question. It was the leering grin that went with it. And for the first time in 41 years, I was actually glad to be able to say, "Uh, no. I was born and raised mostly in Indiana."

There was a time when that information was safely tucked away with the fact that I played with baby dolls until I was 12.

Whoops. Dang.

Anyway, it seems Florida has contracted with Ringling Brothers & Barnum and Bailey Clown College to provide poll workers.

OK, so they're not using trained clowns. They used untrained ones in South Florida who didn't show up or showed up late or left machines unguarded or closed polls early.

One Lions Club hall polling spot shut down two hours before the 9 p.m. closing time (extended two hours due to voting-day glitches), because the club's bar opened at 7 p.m. Another place had only 25 Democratic Party ballots available for 500 registered Democrat voters.

Dade County Commissioner Javier Souto told the Associated Press that if the problems can't be fixed before November, then "we'd better elect a king, or a queen or install a dictator."

Install a dictator? They can't even install a voting machine.

For the record, my family lives farther north in Florida, where people know how to vote. And by Monday I will regret that my mother has e-mail.

Florida's waste and delusion pales in comparison to the foundering campaign to inspire Americans to use the $1 coin. A U.S. General Accounting Report released Friday says the government spent $67.1 million from 1998 to 2001 marketing the gold coin featuring the face of Sacagawea, the Shoshone guide for Lewis and Clark.

The coin generated $968 million in seigniorage, which is the difference between coins' face values and the costs of minting them. If we'd just use the thing, the GAO report says the U.S. government could save up to $500 million annually.

But we won't use it, the GAO says, unless the stores have it, and the stores won't stock it unless we use it, and banks and armored carriers don't want to spend the extra money to deliver it.

The GAO also says citizens are unlikely to embrace the $1 coin because we consider a dollar bill easier to carry than another coin.

Me? I'd have a terrible time booting a punctured bicycle tire with a gold coin. The dollar bill works far better for shoving against a hole.

OK, so it was a rough segue to the bike. But I do use a $1 bill for that. Anyway, after last Sunday's column about giving up the car once a week, I received an e-mail from a woman who chose her Las Vegas home with the intention of using public transit. It was a nightmarish tale of inconvenience that I took as a direct challenge.

Come Monday I am parking my car for the week. No driving -- not for work, groceries, meetings, social outings. It's the bike, bus or two feet.

Wish me luck. Do buses take $1 coins?