Las Vegas Sun

March 28, 2024

Parents of Ranger who died in war grieve in their own way

WASHINGTON -- On the first and third Monday of the month, Gregory Commons heads to a church near his Alexandria, Va., home for meetings of the Pentagon Grief Group.

People break into smaller groups for discussion. The mothers of victims huddle together. The fathers. The daughters.

Commons slips into the "other" group. He didn't lose anyone Sept. 11. But his son died in the war that grew from it.

Pfc. Matthew Commons was a 21-year-old Army Ranger, a Boulder City High School graduate who spent much of his youth in Southern Nevada, and the youngest of seven soldiers killed in a March 4 battle in Afghanistan.

The Pentagon group welcomed Gregory Commons, although he didn't technically belong.

"They pay high tribute to Matt and that really means a lot to me," Commons said. "I feel a real connection to them, and they feel a connection to me."

On Wednesday, Gregory Commons will not grieve in the same way as the families of Sept. 11 victims. His pain is closely linked to theirs. But it is not quite the same.

"This is their time," Commons said. "It's their anniversary."

Commons said that Sept. 11 families are still haunted by the question, "Why?"

"These people were innocent victims," Commons said. "Matt was doing his job. He was trying to eradicate evil in the world."

Of course, the father still grieves. For him, other days, especially March 4, will always be more difficult than Sept. 11.

Last week Commons and his family (Gregory Commons and Matthew's mother, Patricia Marek, are divorced) quietly marked the six-month anniversary of the young soldier's death. Commons' youngest son, 8-year-old Thomas, had called his father out to the driveway where the boy had been toiling with sidewalk chalk. Thomas had inscribed a simple memorial: "Matthew Commons, RLTW."

His voice choked. Gregory Commons explained: "Rangers lead the way." The Ranger motto.

Marek, Matthew's mother, who also lives in Alexandria, Va., makes frequent trips there, too. Her deep despair after her son's death included sometimes pretending that he was on a long trip.

"When they put his body into the ground, I thought my life was over," she said.

But Marek has learned to put life ahead of mourning. Her recovery began in earnest in June when officers at Hunter Army Airfield in Georgia escorted her through a Chinook helicopter, similar to the one in which her son was killed, she said.

Marek wanted to visualize where Matt died. He had fallen with his body half on and half off of a helicopter ramp, the Army told her.

"That was a turning point," Marek said. "I was able to see the aircraft, to smell it and see the equipment that Matt used."

Marek has grown close to five of the seven mothers whose sons died in battle March 4. They e-mail and have gathered together on several occasions. They have told "goofy" stories about their sons -- the ones that make them laugh, Marek said.

"We don't want our sons forgotten," Marek said. "If their memories are forgotten, that means they are really dead."

Marek has volunteered to counsel grieving family members when more soldiers are lost in battle.

"It's just listening," Marek said. "It's letting the other person do what they need to do and say what they need to say. After Matt's death, I was obsessed. He was all I wanted to talk about."

Marek recently decided to take a promotion that requires a move to suburban Denver, where she will be closer to her other son, Matt's brother Aaron, a college student in Colorado. Moving day is Sept. 12.

"I decided I could stay in the city where I could visit Matt's grave every day or I could move and be closer to my son who's alive," Marek said.

Marek has only excitement about her new future, she said.

"I've decided I'm going to carry on his smile," Marek said. "The reality is I want to live life the way Matt would live life, and that's not being angry and upset."

Gregory Commons, a former Marine, said that despite his support for the war on terror, he has always been skeptical of the government. He teaches his students to question political leaders.

Commons will spend Sept. 11 teaching, he said. His students are working on a project in which each student searched for and wrote about an act of American heroism. He did not offer his son as an example as he explained the project, and urged the students to find examples of heroism since -- not necessarily related to -- Sept. 11.

"I wanted them to examine what's good about America," he said. "I want these kids to look at Sept. 11 as a turning point for good in America."

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