Columnist Sal DeFilippo: Alexander’s nine seconds of fun has Bengals covered

Sal DeFilippo

Friday, Oct. 4, 2002 | 9:29 a.m.

Sal DeFilippo's pro football picks column appears Friday. Reach him at sal@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4076.

Nine seconds.

That's more than enough time for a successful bull ride, or even a quick car ride on Randy Moss' hood.

Nine seconds is long enough to make a call and order that impulsively attractive Vinny Testaverde bobblehead doll, right off of the TV screen. And don't forget the free bonus gift that always gets thrown in. Such a deal.

Nine seconds was also all it took for Seattle's Shaun Alexander to score two touchdowns last week against Minnesota. Nine ticks of the clock resulted in two trips to the end zone.

Four weeks.

That's about the amount of time that passes between mortgage payments. It's 42 percent of an affair between Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger.

In four weeks the Vinny bobblehead doll will arrive in the mail, with the free gift -- a nice wooden bench for him to sit on. How much was that shipping and handling cost again?

Four weeks is also how long it has taken the Cincinnati Bengals to score two touchdowns this season. Fourteen thousand four hundred ticks of the clock resulted in two trips to the end zone.

OK class, let's review. Alexander scored five touchdowns in one half last week -- an NFL record. That's 30 points in 30 minutes, and he doesn't even get to kick.

In a month of Sundays, the Bengals have only 23 points. Two touchdowns. Three field goals. Four losses. Moss has more points on his driver's license.

While Alexander's heroics helped kickstart dormant Seattle, the doormat Bengals merely are continuing a standard of ineptitude that would make a Cubs fan jealous.

The Bengals' closest brush with victory came in Week 2 when they were nipped by 13 points against Cleveland. On average, they lose by 24 points per game.

There are more baffling numbers. The Bengals have scored seven points or fewer in 19 of their last 38 games, stretching into the previous millennium.

That's remarkably weak. Half of the time this team suits up, eight points is more than they can handle. Only the expansion Texans rank behind Cincinnati in total offense.

Perhaps they don't understand the process. After all, Jon Kitna started 15 games last year, but made the mistake of setting a Bengals record by passing for 751 yards in consecutive games to end the season.

That kind of performance is conducive to far too much scoring, so he was benched during camp. Gus "The Passing Mule" Frerotte and Akili Smith were again given the chance to show why they should not be starters in the NFL, even on this team. With each having successfully done so, Kitna this week was re-installed as the starting signal-caller.

Don't expect Cincy to run laps around Indianapolis this weekend, but maybe within a few weeks Kitna will catch fire and the Bengals will surprise somebody.

Or at least maybe they'll catch up to Alexander.

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