‘X’ sheds all pretense, and more, at Aladdin

Friday, Nov. 15, 2002 | 9:22 a.m.

If you like an abundance of bare-breasted women dancing provocatively, kissing and simulating sex with each other and plenty of bawdy humor, this show is for you.

If not, read no further. This review may be rated "X."

"X: An Erotic Adventure" opened last week at the Aladdin's new 400-seat CenterStage Showroom.

Co-producers Angela Sampras and Bobby Boling may have raised the bar for adult-oriented entertainment in venues that for several years tried to be more family oriented.

Or the bar may have been lowered, depending on your point of view.

"X" goes places where other shows proclaiming they are erotic fear to tread, including such shows as "Skintight" at Harrah's. Topless productions such as "Showgirls" and "Crazy Girls" are Girl Scout meetings compared to "X," whose closest competitor may be "Le Femme" at MGM.

"Le Femme" is classier than "X" and more of a celebration of the female body as an art form. But the women of "Le Femme" seem to have been cut from one mold, one body type.

The "X" performers are physically more diverse and more provocative than their MGM counterparts. And they have an earthier beauty much appreciated by the fans who packed CenterStage one recent night.

Should it be surprising that most of those fans were males in the age range of 25 to 35? And they weren't there to see art. They were there to see eroticism -- and they got an eyeful.

But the eight females who make up the cast of "X" aren't your typical lap-dancing, pole-sliding dollar-grabbers found at Olympic Garden, Crazy Horse Too and other more seamy venues around town.

Many of these women are classically trained dancers, like Roberta Lorine, a Romanian who has a degree in ballet and incudes "Swan Lake" and "Sleeping Beauty" on her resume.

Yelena Pugakova, a native of Moscow, has been dancing since age 10, and Catherine Trey, formerly of Wisconsin, studied ballet in Milwaukee.

Michelle Suzanne Thibodeau studied dance at Tulane University, and Dejah Juarez trained at Maui Academy of Performing Arts in her native Hawaii.

Juarez is the wife of "X's" resident comedian, John Padon, who relieves the sexual tension midway through the show with a routine worthy of the late Redd Foxx.

It's almost impossible to print anything Padon said in a family newspaper. His humor involved scatological terms, condom humor and plenty of sexual references.

One of his funniest bits involved John Wayne Bobbitt, whose wife, Lorena, cut off his penis one night in 1993.

"She cut it off and took it for a ride," Padon said. "And the police found the penis in a field. I had a car stolen in 1994 -- where's my car? They can't find a Chevy but they can find a (expletive deleted) in a field -- and they brought it back to him.

"How often do you have a cop at your door standing there with your (expletive deleted) in his hand? 'Hey, pal. Did you lose this?' 'Wow! I can think again!' "

"X" is a collection of scenes in which the scantily clad (usually topless) dancers prey on the fantasies of young men.

As the audience is being seated two women in black negligees go through a series of poses onstage.

The posers are followed by a barely dressed contortionist who stands on one leg and places the other behind her head. Then she sits down, places both legs behind her head and does push-ups while the drooling males in the audience reflect on the possibilities.

The first set involves the cast of women dancers moving sensually around the stage dressed in black, breakaway vinyl coats, which are taken apart one piece at a time until the women are wearing only G-strings and black leather collars.

As the show progresses, it becomes increasingly suggestive, with the women using scarves on themselves and each other.

One of the highlights of the evening was Rebecca Scott, Playboy's Miss August, 1999. Producers say they will rotate playmates each month.

Scott's physical attributes out-stripped her talent, but her fans didn't seem to mind. She started her first of two sets draped in a black boa and ended it stuffed into a black thong bikini.

There were a couple of scenes in which one or more dancers appeared to have stripped down to their bare essentials, but the manner in which they posed made it impossible to tell for certain -- no matter how hard audience members craned their necks.

One scene was a limp attempt at humor by four of the performers. They were clad in schoolgirl uniforms (bulging white blouses tied at the waist; plaid miniskirts) and supposedly were in a classroom.

Each told who her favorite president was.

One's was Thomas Jefferson.

"He was probably the first president to have a scandal," said the first faux-student. "He went through his maids like a rooster in a henhouse."

Another favorite was John F. Kennedy.

"In the Navy he commanded a PT boat that fired torpedoes," said the second faux-student. "He continued to fire his torpedo throughout his presidency."

Bill Clinton didn't escape the humor.

"He invented the first female traveling humidor," said faux-student No. 3.

The teacher's favorite?

"I like Bush, but that's a lesson for another day," she said.

Fans of this low-brow production could be accused by the morals police of suffering from arrested development -- frozen somewhere in post-pubescent adolescence.

I don't think my development has been arrested, but it has been held for questioning on occasion.