Trends for Nov. 11, 2002

Lisa Ferguson

Monday, Nov. 11, 2002 | 8:18 a.m.

Celebrate me home?

Planning to travel and see family this holiday season? If so, you may want to check your sanity and any hopes for having a good time with your luggage.

Does it comes as a surprise to anyone that a majority of Americans say getting together with relatives is no picnic? We thought not.

In fact, according to a recent survey conducted by travel website Expedia.com, of the 58 percent of people planning to travel and visit family this holiday season, 70 percent of those do not consider family visits "real" vacations. It seems coming to blows with Aunt Ida over the last drumstick isn't anyone's idea of fun.

Most of those road-weary travelers, it turns out, are sleeping in guest rooms (the lucky stiffs), on uncomfy sofa beds or "wherever they can find a place to lie down."

Does it get any worse than that? Apparently so: Ten percent of those polled said they would rather choke down an entire fruitcake in a single sitting than spend a week with their in-laws. (Just hold on what did the fruitcake ever do to you?)

So what's the alternative? Invite the kinfolk to your place this year ... or not: While 15 percent of Americans will do just that, 40 percent of respondents said they're exhausted after family visits, while 50 percent said they need to "escape" from the relatives and find some "alone time."

We hear the Bates Motel has a few vacancies.

Stressing the point

Speaking of, um, loved ones, the results of another poll this one conducted by General Nutrition Centers has us wondering what kind of "funny" vitamins the company slipped to respondents of its National Stress Survey: They were surprisingly pleasant when speaking about their families.

While 22 percent of people pointed to marital and personal relationships as the biggest stressors in their lives, 34 percent said they hang out with family and friends in an effort to reduce stress. Huh?

Other stress-inducing subjects mentioned included standard stuff: finances, anxiety over current events including war and disasters, personal safety concerns, health problems and fear of being fired from work.

Guess a little holiday bickering is the least of these folks' worries. Or, maybe they figure it's nothing a little fruitcake can't fix.

What you talkin' 'bout?

Time for a little role playing: So you're at said family gathering, your behind planted firmly in a short chair at the kid's table (because you're still Grandma's little sweetheart).

Seated beside you is some distant cousin's toddler candied yams jammed up his nose, spouting some sort of baby talk and anxiously awaiting your response. Or it'll be sweet-potato snot for you, too!

What do you do? If you're smart, you'll whip out your copy of "Goo Goo Gaa Gaa - The Baby Talk Dictionary and Phrase Book" (West St. James Press, $9.95).

Penned by Chicago lawyer Peter Gaido and "Seinfeld" writer Marc Jaffe (his claim to fame is the 1992 episode "The Pick," also known as "The Nipple" episode), "Goo Goo" is a tongue-in-cheek tome for the baby-babble challenged.

Here's a primer: When a tot says "nuff," know it's a rattle that he or she wants. "Grr grr" is code for "There's a pair of bears in my bed!"; "tushizup" is the "preferred way for baby to sleep with butt in air"; and (as though you couldn't guess) "na payn skul" means "no-tears shampoo."

Makes you wonder how to say "Master of your domain," doesn't it?