Case points to multi-generational abuse problem

Kim Smith

Wednesday, March 27, 2002 | 11:55 a.m.

When her stepdaughter was murdered a few years ago and she was asked to raise the children, Linda readily agreed.

Linda and her husband took in the children, even though her husband had been convicted of molesting two of Linda's children.

It had been 15 years since that, Linda said, noting her husband no longer drank.

"He told me that he would never touch them because they were his natural granddaughters," Linda said.

Last week her 51-year-old husband pleaded guilty to two counts of sexual assault of a minor under 16. He admitted that he repeatedly sexually assaulted two of his granddaughters over an 18-month period. The children were 7 and 9 years old.

He faces anywhere from five years in prison to two life terms when he is sentenced by District Judge John McGroarty April 23.

The case illustrates an unfortunate trend in sexual abuse cases -- multi-generational assaults, Vicki Graff, executive director of Family and Child Treatment center, said.

"There is every reason to believe that if a man sexually assaults his stepdaughters that he would later sexually assault his granddaughters," Graff said. "It's not surprising that it happens, just sad."

A study of 30,000 sex offenders conducted by an Atlanta medical doctor showed that 90 percent of abused children know their abusers and 50 percent live with them, Graff said.

In addition, 75 percent of sex offenders are married or have been married, which means many have spouses who are aware of the abuse, Graff said.

Such was Linda's case. She said she was aware that her husband began sexually abusing one of her daughters and then another within a few years of her marriage. She chose to pretend it wasn't happening.

Instead of leaving, Linda said she sent her oldest daughter to live with relatives after telling her she was a liar. Four years later her youngest daughter told her she, too, was being sexually abused.

When the younger daughter came to her, Linda told her that she didn't believe her, either.

Linda's husband was arrested after the girl complained to her grandmother. He was charged on 10 sex-related counts, but entered a plea agreement that placed him on probation for five years, which he successfully completed.

Linda took him back six years later -- over the objections of her daughters.

"He went to counseling and he got off drugs and he wasn't drinking a lot anymore," Linda explained.

Linda and her husband were asked to take in the children after his daughter was killed in 1998. Linda quickly agreed.

Generally, police background checks are not run when family members are asked to take in relatives unless a judge finds out about a possible criminal history, LaDeana Gamble, Family Mediation Center manager, said.

Linda said that shortly after they got custody of their grandchildren, her husband began drinking heavily again. He also started to physically and verbally abuse her again.

She found herself trying to stay out of the house as much as possible. She took her granddaughters with her as she spent hours at a local convenience store playing slot machines.

After she walked in on her husband lying in bed with their 9-year-old granddaughter last February, Linda told someone about the abuse: the daughters who had been abused.

The women, who have three children apiece now, met with all 10 of the grandchildren.

"I said, 'Look, if anyone is touching anybody where they don't feel comfortable, tell someone. I don't care if it's me or a teacher or someone else, tell someone,' " one of them said.

One of the two granddaughters told a teacher the next day, and the grandfather was arrested and charged with seven counts of sexual assault of a minor and two counts of lewdness with a minor.

The younger of Linda's two daughters felt particularly guilty. She had always made a point of keeping her stepfather from being alone with the girls, but they had a fight months before and she was no longer welcome in her mother's home.

"I was in a state of shock. I thought, 'Oh no. Not again.' I couldn't breathe," she said. "My boyfriend had to take my car keys from me. I would have hurt him and then sat in the car and waited for the cops to come and arrest me."

Since the arrest, Linda has been attending counseling sessions alone and with her granddaughters.

Her conscience was ready to overwhelm her, Linda said.

It hurts to realize that one of her granddaughters wasn't wetting the bed because she witnessed her mother's death, but because she was being sexually abused, Linda said.

"Right before my stepdaughter died she looked over at me and said, 'Mama, you take care of my babies' and I told her nothing was going to happen to her," Linda said. "She was dead two days later."

Intense counseling has helped Linda deal with the guilt and realize why she didn't act. Finances and low self-esteem as a result of being abused by her husband paralyzed her.

She has apologized to her family and believes she is much stronger now.

The fact Linda has accepted responsibility has also helped heal her relationship with her daughters.

"I've always loved my mom, but I just couldn't understand why she didn't believe us," the older one said. "She's a great person now. Her heart is open and she's free. She's not running scared. When he was around, she couldn't even talk to her kids."

Graff, who is also a licensed clinical social worker, said finances and abuse are common reasons why a non-offending parent doesn't come forward. The good news is that with counseling and a strong support network, families can be put back together.

"One of the things that keeps us going is the ability of the human spirit to heal," Graff said.

Linda said she plans to divorce her husband and continue with family counseling. She is scheduled to appear in Family Court next month to learn if she can retain custody of her grandchildren.

"I've realized that people should not live in fear," Linda said. "If I could go back, I'd call the police the first time, but I can't. I let my daughters down and my granddaughters down, but I'm learning."

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