Friday, June 28, 2002 | 2:51 a.m.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under ..."
Dang.
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under ... pants."
No, that's not right.
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, underpaid ..."
Nah. Truth's too ugly.
OK, wait:
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under Bush ..."
You know there's a redneck in the White House if ...
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, underfed ..."
Hey, only in some cities.
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under siege ..."
By Homeland Security.
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, underbred ..."
You know there's a redneck in the White House if ...
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, underemployed ..."
Only if you're someone who needs work.
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under-the-table ..."
Mostly in Congress.
I hope it was troublesome to add those words back in 1954, because they certainly have been troublesome this past week.
Apparently 48 years ago it was important to make sure everyone understood we were united by God's love in our hatred of Communists. So the Harpies of Social Loathing and Fear rewrote the pledge.
And not very well.
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under God ...'
What if you have no God? Can't you still be a patriot?
They are odd words to pledge in a country settled by people who didn't want to be told how or whether to worship.
They render "indivisible" impossible.
Terrorist attacks on our country, wars raging overseas and battles waged through the ages tell us that people are plenty divided when it comes to forcing people to unite "under God."
The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, which ruled the pledge unconstitutional Wednesday because of "under God," has put the decision on hold until its other members can decide about rehearing the case.
Politicians seemingly unable to solve the problems of the underfed, underpaid and underemployed wasted no time getting their suits in a twist over "under God."
A week before Independence Day, it certainly is more politically appealing to focus on semantics, rather than to draw attention to real issues of church-and-state separation, such as prayer in classrooms and paying private religious school tuition with public education money.
Patriotism and religion aren't supposed to be institutionalized partners. We goofed by adding those two words. We now are forced to choose between giving them undeserved attention in a serious debate of separation issues, or telling our children that the pledge doesn't really mean everything it says.
How did we get here?
"And to the republic for which it stands. One nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
It had a nice ring to it.
Even the Baptist minister who wrote it thought so.
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