Friday, June 14, 2002 | 9:15 a.m.
In the dark days pre-television fathers looked to their fathers for advice on how to handle a son who was caught cheating on a test, or a daughter who was asked to the big school dance by a nerd.
Then television came along and changed all that. There, just a few feet from gazing eyes, was the answer to all of life's problems: a kind-yet-stern TV father blessed with the wisdom of the ages and smart fashion sense.
Of course, TV also has given us the "Anti-Pop," dads who have mis-mentored their real-life paternal counterparts with their constant barbed criticism of family members, hackneyed schemes and woefully bad advice.
With Father's Day fast approaching, it's time to note this reporter's picks for the best and worst "Electronic Dads."
Top Pops
Top-10 TV fathers most any son or daughter would be proud to call "Dad":
10. Lucas McCain (Chuck Connors) "The Rifleman" -- A widower living in the Wild West (specifically New Mexico), Lucas had a teenage son to raise. He also had justice to dispense courtesy of a modified Winchester rifle which he did at the end of nearly every episode when the town sheriff was at wit's end.
9. Homer J. Simpson (voiced by Dan Castellaneta) "The Simpsons" -- In the first two seasons, Homer was more concerned with having a perfect family than some get-rich scheme that would make Ralph Kramden envious. Then the show's writers dumbed Homer down for comedic effect. No matter his greedy and gluttonous exploits and how badly they turn out there is a lot of love in the Simpson household. And it all starts with Homer.
8. Hank Hill (voiced by Mike Judge) "King of the Hill" -- Sure, he is tough on his son, Bobby. But who wouldn't be, if their 12-year-old son was overweight, soft and more concerned with prop-comedy than athletics? The point is Hank is always there for Bobby when he needs him, dispensing real-life wisdom such as, "Sometimes you gotta stop vomiting in the baby bird's mouth and kick 'em out of the nest!" or, "Just when I thought you said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talking." A Lone-Star Dad with a heart as big as Texas.
7. Dr. Heathcliff "Cliff" Huxtable (Bill Cosby) "The Cosby Show" -- Everyone remembers the sweaters, courtesy of Jack Black's memorable line in "High Fidelity" ("A Cos-by sweat-ter"). Dr. Huxtable, however, was more than a one-man J.C. Penney catalog. He was funny, kind and seemed to get into as much mischief as his five children. Plus, the list of old-school jazz musicians who were distant relatives or "just happened to stop by" is priceless.
6. Ozzy Osbourne "The Osbournes" -- Say what you will about his foul mouth, but deep down Ozzy is an old-fashioned father who just happens to front a heavy-metal band. The self-proclaimed "Prince of Darkness" very much loves his children, although they often baffled him. The Ozzman scores extra points for his willingness to talk frankly with his teenagers about drugs, alcohol and sex. Let's see the other Oz -- Ozzie Nelson -- do that.
5. Howard Cunningham (Tom Bosley) "Happy Days" -- OK, forget the fact Mr. Cunningham forgot and -- presumably -- abandoned his oldest son, Chuck, after the first season. He gained another son in Arthur Fonzarelli a year later. Mr. C., as he was known by his children's friends, was always there for Richie, daughter Joanie and Fonzie. Despite his constant whining about money, he also was very generous: Mr. C. presumably fronted the bill for Richie's friends to join the Cunningham clan on vacations to a dude ranch in Colorado and to Hollywood, where Fonzie had a screen test.
4. Jim Anderson (Robert Young) "Father Knows Best" -- Father did know best ... even if "Princess," Bud and "Kitten" didn't always admit it. A sport-jacket-wearing insurance salesman by day, at night Jim was the comfortable-sweater-wearing father everyone wanted as their own. He was also not afraid to admit he was wrong, such as when he promised the same football ticket to both Princess and a friend.
3. Mike Brady (Robert Reed) "The Brady Bunch" -- We'll forgive him for the comedy-variety "Brady Bunch Hour" in 1977, and the equally horrible reunion series "The Bradys" in 1990. Mike was The Man. He found a way to blend two families and never once did one of the girls wail, "You're not my dad!" He gets bonus points for having a full-time maid and an artificial-turf back yard, which means fewer chores around the house.
2. Ward Cleaver (Hugh Beaumont) "Leave it to Beaver" -- Ward Cleaver has become an American cliche. Stumping politicians and pro-family groups alike point to Ward and the Cleaver household as the model family of American values. And they're right: The Cleaver home was the ideal picture of what we believe the '50s family was and should be -- "Pleasantville's" cynicism be damned. Sure, maybe Ward's old-fashioned values don't mesh with today's social norms. But there was a measure of respect in the home; "Beaver" Cleaver would never think of levelling a profanity at his parents.
1. Andy Taylor (Andy Griffith) "The Andy Griffith Show" -- OK, during the show's opening credits, who didn't wish they were Opie walking alongside Sheriff Andy Taylor, as the father and son made their way to the local fishing hole? There was something both kind and gentle about Sheriff Taylor, who had a folksy answer for all of life's problems; his resolution was usually as simplistic as well. Although he kept a watchful eye on his son, he was always fair. Look at how he handled Otis, the town drunk.
Bad dads
And now, five TV fathers who were the male equivalent of Joan Crawford:
Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller) "Seinfeld" -- The yelling, the "Airing of Grievances" during "Festivus," "The Bro ... no, Manssiere." If there was ever any question as to how Frank's son, George, became so neurotic, the answer, in large part, was Dear Old Dad.
Fred Sanford (Redd Foxx) "Sanford and Son" -- It's a safe bet Fred's son, Lamont, is still in therapy after all the verbal chastising he endured, not to mention the emotional trauma brought on by his father's faux heart attacks.
Al Bundy (Ed O'Neill) "Married ... With Children" -- A shoe salesman, Al Bundy was repulsed by his lazy wife. He made constant cracks about his vapid tramp of a daughter and his sex-obsessed, greedy son. Maybe he's a model father, by today's standards.
Darrin Stephens (Dick York, 1966-69; Dick Sargent, 1969-72) "Bewitched" -- No matter that two actors played the same role, the results were the same. Darrin Stephens was a borderline alcoholic ("Sam! Make it a double!") who constantly yelled at his wife and forbade her to use her magical powers. Who knows the effects Darrin's tirades had on his two children, Tabitha and Adam.
Ranger Rick Marshall (Spencer Milligan) "Land of the Lost" -- Dear Dad: Thanks for bringing us along on your "routine expedition," getting us trapped in the land that time forgot and -- oh, yeah -- thanks for leaving us here and going back through the portal to present time. Uncle Jack says hi.
Love, Will and Holly.
archive
