Columnist Susan Snyder: Technology is a cut above

Tuesday, June 4, 2002 | 8:25 a.m.

Personally, I think scissors are more cathartic.

After all, if a person is going to bother cutting an ex-spouse out of wedding photos, having a stranger do the hacking digitally takes the fun out of it.

Sure, Photo Masterpieces can work subtraction wonders for about $50. But isn't it more fun to sit there with your best friend and a bottle of wine, hacking your ex out piece by piece?

Then his mom. His brother. And his skinny-necked sister, whom you didn't want in your wedding party anyhow.

(All of my photos are still intact, in case you are wondering. I wouldn't have wasted the blade.)

Workers for the California company, which is incorporated in Nevada because basically a poodle can incorporate something here, will eliminate the offending spousal unit and replace him, her or it with something more suitable, such as angels, a broom or a statue of David.

The company's proprietor says she came up with "Erase Your Ex" specials because of her own divorce, and it has become one of the more popular novelties for the company that also retouches old photos or creates canvas paintings from photos.

Although scissors could be more therapeutic, the digital stuff could be fun. Think of your ex with Yoda's head.

California legislators may consider a measure that would limit the weight of backpacks or book bags schoolchildren are allowed to carry. Physicians, it seems, are seeing an increase in the number of children and teens who suffer from chronic back problems, due mostly to the number of textbooks they lug around on their backs.

And here we sit right next door in Nevada with the solution. We simply don't buy enough textbooks to go around, so our kids don't have to carry them home for studying.

We may be stupid, but we have good posture.

Speaking of stupid, a 13-year-old kid in Ohio managed to buy $2 million worth of stuff on the eBay auction site while using a computer in his middle school science classroom.

Among the items he purchased were a jet and a helicopter. I searched and found bids open on a 55-gallon drum filled with wheat-back pennies, a bucket truck with only 15,000 miles on it and a 133-acre "farmette" in Pennsylvania. No helicopters this time, though.

Kind of scary when you consider that federal and court records have shown the Grand Canyon sightseeing helicopter that crashed and killed six people last year previously was sold as salvage and certified as flight-worthy eight days before the incident.

And finally, it seems people are thinking it might be time to put a chick in the White House.

Chick. I said "chick," not chimp. We did that already.

According to a Parade/Harris Poll released last week, 77 percent of Americans believe a woman would be just as competent as a man as U.S. president. (Yeah, we womens can ignore CIA warnings with the best of 'em.)

But only 24 percent of people polled think a woman will sit behind the desk (not under it) in the Oval Office in the next five years, while 85 percent think it will take 20 years.

Twenty years? Hand me the poll and pass those cathartic scissors.