Columnist Ron Kantowski: World Cup analysts just love to bicker

Tuesday, June 4, 2002 | 9:21 a.m.

Ron Kantowski's insider notes column appears Tuesday and his Page One column appears Thursday. He can be reached at ron@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4088.

As the top soccer goal scorer in U.S. National Team history, part-time Las Vegan Eric Wynalda is used to being a marked man. (For those who haven't yet come out of the World Cup closet, that means very closely guarded.)

But that could hardly prepare him for the constant pressure he has been receiving from Georgio Chinaglia, the former Lazio (Italian Serie A) and New York Cosmos' star, during their role as studio analysts for ABC's World Cup rebroadcasts.

Even if you don't understand the game -- or a word Chinaglia is saying -- you owe it to yourself to watch him and Wynalda agree to disagree. These two make Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne look like Ozzie and Harriett Nelson.

When it comes to chemistry, Wynalda and Chinaglia couldn't spark a Bunsen burner.

Here is a typical exchange (paraphrased) from one of the weekend's telecasts:

Chinaglia: "The only chance the United States has against Portugal is to play with only one attacker and five midfielders."

Wynalda (rolling his eyes): "Well, I know for a fact they won't do that."

Chinaglia: "Well, then they won't win."

It sounded like two guys arguing whose turn it was to buy the next pint. In fact, it's a good thing Wynalda is a Yank with manners, or he might have head-butted Chinaglia for being so rude.

Wynalda managed to smile during the constant browbeating, but it was weaker than the Coors Light they serve down at the Crown & Anchor Pub.

Make that 13 hours and about 1 1/2 seconds.

While the ABC audio feed was live on tape, the video feed West Coast viewers got for the Cameroon-Ireland and England-Sweden games seemed to come from satellite, or some other process that caused the picture to be about a second and a half behind the rebroadcast, retransmission and other use of the descriptions and accounts of the games.

Maybe ABC had the express written consent of the Chicago National League ballclub (or FIFA, the soccer governing body) to provide viewers with a broadcast that was more out of sync than the English attack. But I wish it were strictly prohibited.

In that soccer is a low-scoring game by nature, part of its beauty is the build-up to a goal, and the tension that one finally releases.

To have the announcer yell "G-O-O-O-O-O-A-L" before the ball is even in the net kind of spoils the fun.

I think that's something on which even Eric Wynalda and Georgio Chinaglia would agree.

I think I liked baseball better when only the ball was juiced, not the players. For my money, Roger Maris' home run record, attained with normal-looking biceps, still stands. ... Who were those three stiffs playing with Mike Bibby and Chris Webber down the stretch Sunday night? It's hard enough beating the Lakers with five players. ... When Rick Monday was with the Cubs, the organist played "Never on Sunday" when he came to the plate. That could have been the theme song for Las Vegas professional golfers this past weekend as Bob May (final round 76 at the PGA's Kemper Open), Jim Colbert (80 at the Senior Tour's NFL Classic) and Stephanie Keever (77 at the LPGA's Kellogg-Keebler Tournament) fell from contention faster than Gary Hart after a date with Donna Rice ...

And finally, a parting shot from Sports Illustrated's Steve Rushin, upon revealing that under intense pressure from the office of tourism, dog meat will not be offered in Korean stadiums during the World Cup soccer tournament:

"I Shih Tsu not."