Columnist Susan Snyder: A tough cut — no lion

Tuesday, July 16, 2002 | 8:14 a.m.

It started with a single hair mat.

It ended ended $115 later with something called "a lion cut."

The Cat now has a ruff and a tail with a poof-ball. He looks like an escaped Ringling Bros. miniature.

Frankly, there is something truly wrong with a human being who refuses to pay $4 for a box of cereal but will drop $115 on a haircut for a cat.

Why so much? Because no human in possession of groomer's shears can stand in the same room with The Cat unless anesthesia is involved.

I wasn't even going to bring up this whole lion-cut affair because it's embarrassing that my sweet, little puddy can be a considerable bully.

Then I learned we are not alone, and that we may be worthy of scientific examination. A Cornell University researcher wants felines for her study of aggressive cats.

Now I'm thinking Cornell has a little too much cash tumbling into the old research kitty. Last month the university released news of a researcher who was studying cats' meows.

This time, Tracy Kroll, a veterinarian at Cornell's animal behavior clinic, is evaluating 20 aggressive cats to see what kind of treatment works. (Try canned tuna.)

We're not talking about your average snippy puss. These are cats that will do a full-body lunge into a piece of Plexiglas if another cat is on the other side. They swipe with the intention of drawing blood -- and do. They hiss and spit and yowl.

(So far, they are describing the animal I live with when the groomer's tools are near.)

Kroll thinks anti-aggression medicines may control such behavior.

I cannot fathom how she envisions administering these medications daily. She doesn't mention anesthesia or a leather suit.

A Newhouse News Service story that quoted Kroll also mentioned a cat expert who opposes drug treatment because he says cats are solitary by instinct. Living with other cats and people is "not something they're wired to do."

So far, mine is wired to watch birds, sleep, eat chicken and wake every human in the household at 3:45 a.m. He also could be wired to mop floors or fold clean laundry rather than sleep on it. But after 13 years I'm not hopeful.

A second expert quoted says cats seem anti-social because they "are first attached to their house."

She said "their house." Not, "the house," or "the house their owners work and pay for and graciously allow them to live in."

"Their house."

This certainly says it all more succinctly and cheaply than a study by Cornell University. This is not about bullies. It is about domain. Everything belongs to The Cat. Kroll should take the money and take a cruise. But she is determined because she says bully cats are "quite miserable."

I'll keep an eye on The Cat With The $115 Haircut for signs of misery between naps in the center of the living room sofa and time spent at the sliding glass door watching birds hover around the feeder hung solely for his entertainment.

Kroll didn't say whether test cats are paid for their efforts. Maybe I could enroll mine, and he could pay for his own haircut next time.

Actually, I'd almost pay the Cornell researchers to take him -- just to watch the daily dose of "anti-aggression medication."