Columnist Susan Snyder: A singular approach to dating

Friday, Feb. 15, 2002 | 4:36 a.m.

A Forbes.com survey says Las Vegas is the nation's 26th-best city for being single.

Local single professionals say, "Plthbbbth."

"I don't know if it's Las Vegas or what. But it's difficult to find an intelligent conversation with people who are not self-absorbed," said Holly Rose, a 45-year-old investor and wellness consultant.

Las Vegas counselor Sally St. John hears it all day long. She holds a doctorate degree in psychological counseling and does personal growth counseling. Talk typically starts with personal barriers to career goals, but often migrates toward why a successful guy or gal can't find a mate.

The educated, financially secure, 35-and-over set can't seem to find a date -- at least one who's read a book since 11th grade.

Who can't? Well, St. John tried to get a Las Vegas surgeon to talk about it. She says his response to being dateless in print was "No way in hell. These nurses think I'm a stud."

"These are very across-the-board successful people, and they can't admit they're not successful in love," St. John said.

Rose will talk. The fit, smiling blonde who rides jumping horses said she'd love to find a professional guy with whom she can enjoy decent conversation, dinner and other outings.

"The focus here is the 25-to-35 age group for places to go," she said. "My time is limited, and the bar scene is not what I consider conducive to meeting other people."

That's a nice way of saying all the popular spots are meat markets.

It seems time is of the essence. Those with demanding professions don't have it and often feel they are running out of it.

A Las Vegas lawyer in his mid-40s, who would have me toted to Pahrump lashed to the underbelly of a burro with gastric problems if I gave his name, said it's hard to make personal relationships fit. Many Las Vegas women have jobs with odd schedules.

"The ones you meet are as busy as you are," he said. "I dated a showgirl once. They work weekends and don't get home until 4 in the morning. If you have a normal job, when are you going to get together?"

But he says the notion that most guys here want the buxom dancer with a teeny waist is false.

"I need someone smart. That's my most important criteria," he said. "The last thing I want is a gold-digger."

So what's the deal? Why can't the Lawyer-Without-A-Name and Rose find each other?

"Hopelessness," St. John said. "These people are giving up. There's a belief that you can't find a good person in this town, and I know that's not true."

She knows because she'll see one in her office at 9 a.m. and another one at 11. Ethics prevent her from making a match.

"It makes me crazy," she said. "I'm thinking, 'I wish you were an hour ago. You'd have hit her in the doorway.' "

St. John hosts free seminars at 4 p.m. each Wednesday at Borders Book Shop, 2323 S. Decatur Blvd. She also hits the air waves at 9 p.m. Friday with a weekly radio talk show on KLAV 1230-AM.

She says the key to meeting the right person is being a whole person. A mate is a complement, not spackle for the holes.

"You attract what you project," she said.