Review: Remake of ‘Rollerball’ a stupid, vicious cycle

Geoff Carter

Friday, Feb. 8, 2002 | 10:02 a.m.

John McTiernan's remake of Norman Jewison's "Rollerball" is bad. I don't even know how to tell you how bad. How do you approach something this big and awful? On an offhand, I'd advise you not to approach it at all, but if you go in for this sort of punishment, there are a few things you should know.

Most importantly, you should know that it bears little resemblance to Jewison's 1975 film. Although it starred James Caan at his optimum fighting trim, the original "Rollerball's" violence was sensitively paced and set against long periods of exposition; McTiernan's version offers no such compensations. It's a dumb, violent and soulless exercise from beginning to end.

The actors seem bored out of their minds. LL Cool J comes closest to delivering an involved performance, but that may be a fluke: He has less screen time than most of the principals. Jean Reno plays the brutal promoter Petrovich as a greatest-hits package, incorporating little bits of every villain he's ever played. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos was able show more range -- and everything else, wink wink -- in "X-Men's" full-body blue makeup.

As for Chris Klein, the poor kid is forced to play Keanu Reeves for the length of the picture. Trinity! Help! He does his best to work around the movie's too-fast pace and editing, but this isn't "The Matrix" -- even if his kung fu may prove as potent as Keanu's in the long run.

And as bad as Keanu's had it -- paging "Johnny Mnemonic" -- he's never had to do what McTiernan makes him do: a 10-minute sequence shot entirely with night-vision cameras. Thirty seconds of that greenish goop is too much; after a minute you begin to wonder if the print's bad. At the 5-minute mark, your head begins throbbing, and by 9 you should be in the lobby, if you have the slightest sense of self-preservation.

Even the element that could have set "Rollerball" apart -- its setting in modern-day Central Asia as opposed to Jewison's dystopian future America -- is fumbled. He could have made "Blade Runner"; what he delivers is "Roller Boogie" with a few Paul Verhoeven-like refinements.

As much as I hate to admit it, the director of "Starship Troopers" and "Robocop" could have done wonders with "Rollerball." Verhoeven would have provided the pop-culture kick and kink that "Rollerball" so badly needs. At least he would have known how to keep his eye on the ball, and he wouldn't need night-vision goggles to do it.