Review: ‘Slackers’ is a big waste of time

Geoff Carter

Friday, Feb. 1, 2002 | 9:34 a.m.

The last time I saw a comedy as mean-spirited, misogynistic and flat-out stupid as "Slackers," it was titled with the word "Porky's" and a number. It may be a mistake on my part: Perhaps the movie wasn't intended for human viewing. A truckload of lemurs might enjoy "Slackers," but they'd have to be a fairly indiscriminating lot. And drunk.

"Slackers" is set within the too-familiar grounds of Collegiate America, an institution that's taken so many cinematic hits, from "Animal House" to "PCU," that I'm amazed anyone still ponies up the cash to go there. Three well-practiced examination cheats (Devon Sawa, Jason Segel and Michael Maronna) are blackmailed by an unbalanced kid named Cool Ethan (Jason Schwartzman) into getting him a date with a pretty, vacuous girl (James King), whom he's been stalking for months.

That's about the size of that. I can't figure out the movie's title -- even the test cheats work hard (their daring heist of a set of test keys, played under the opening credits and a gorgeous symphonic arrangement of "Teenage Wasteland," unfairly raises your hopes). I guess the studio either hoped that A) moviegoers wouldn't remember Richard Linklater's 1991 "Slacker" or B) some devotees might be confused enough to think it a sequel.

The worst part about "Slackers" is that you could see clearly where it could have amounted to something. (Hey, I guess the title does make sense.) Schwartzman almost strikes gold as the annoying, possibly dangerous Ethan -- imagine his "Rushmore" character with Tourette's syndrome, a homicidal streak and a superpowered libido.

Schwartzman even manages a few "Rushmore"-like faux pas. When asked by his dream girl why he's volunteered at a homeless shelter, he puts his best foot forward: "I'm in the food service industry," he smiles, "and I like bums."

Ironically enough, Schwartzman's character gets a sex scene with nearly every woman in the picture, thanks to a series of dream sequences. He even fondles pinup legend Mamie Van Doren, explaining later, "The old whore wanted me to." He's the Energizer Bunny of creeps, and nothing short of an armed resistance can put him in check.

Maronna ("The Adventures of Pete and Pete," and those Ameritrade ads) is a different kind of animal. He embodies all the good parts of sloth -- the easygoing manner, the lack of inhibition. In the course of "Slackers" he flummoxes a number of teaching assistants, manages to pass gas significantly (you had to be there) and sings a duet with his, er, little Pete.

Maronna and Schwartzman get most of the laughs in "Slackers," but it's not for the movie's lack of trying. First-time director Dewey Nicks and screenwriter David H. Steinberg ("American Pie 2") go out of their way to offend: There isn't a woman in the picture who doesn't want to have big dumb sex with the principals.

In fact, "Slackers" may be the first film in recent history to feature not one, but two crude topless scenes by women over 65. But as good as it is to see Mamie Van Doren again (and her bosom looks as good as ever), I can't help but wonder why she chose to appear in a screenplay built around the line, "You treat a woman like dirt, and she'll stick to you like mud."

True to their creation, Nicks and Steinberg treat their audience the same way.