Las Vegas Sun

March 28, 2024

Tis the season to be jolly — Or is it?

Temporary Assistance for Domestic Violence Inc. says the following about domestic violence:

At no one time of year is domestic violence more prevalent than another, but experts say there are times when a pressure-cooker situation is more likely to build to the brink of explosion.

One of those times is during the summer when children are out of school and heat is unbearable. Another is late December, when an abused person may put up with a lot more grief trying to hold the family together during the Christmas season.

As a result, officials at Safe Nest, a 25-year-old nonprofit agency operated by Temporary Assistance for Domestic Crisis Inc., are gearing up for a potentially busy January at its battered women's shelter.

"Anger really isn't the issue and taking frustration out on a wife over the holidays isn't the issue -- those are excuses given by the abuser. The issue is all about control," Safe Nest spokeswoman Lisa Lynn Chapman said.

"The difference during the holiday season is that the abused person puts up with mental and physical abuse for the sake of the children and the family. She doesn't want him in jail for Christmas because of what family members would say or because she is afraid about what will happen to her and her children."

In preparation for the projected post-holiday rush, the Safe Nest shelter, at an undisclosed location in Clark County, is adding 36 beds to the complex, bringing to 102 the number of beds for battered women and their children. That addition was built with $1 million in Community Development Block Grants.

While there are male victims of spousal abuse, women by far remain the most victimized. Since 1978, 95 percent of the more than 100,000 people who have been assisted by Safe Nest have been females.

Kathleen Brooks, associate director of Safe Nest since 1979 and a licensed marriage and family therapist, says there is a definite pattern to the abuser.

"So many of our clients say he was one of the sweetest, kindest people whose controlling nature developed so gradually and so subtly," said Brooks, who as a teenager was a victim of spousal abuse.

"It is a slow process where the abuser takes over the victim's life. Violence can occur years later or as early as on the honeymoon."

Brooks said many victims hope for change. It is possible for abusers to change their ways, but only through therapy and counseling, she said.

"The victim works extra hard during the holiday season to placate the abuser and keep things calm," she said. "The victim ... plans for a New Year and hopefully a fresh start."

Brooks warns that the Christmas holiday should not be used as an excuse not to call police, especially when violence occurs.

Some victims don't let the holidays stand in their way of seeking help.

"My boyfriend was so manipulating that he pulled the wool over everyone's eyes," said a woman at the Safe Nest shelter who identified herself only as Jane and said she was in her early 40s.

"I had a job in a restaurant and he didn't work, but still he controlled all of the money. I couldn't go to my family because they felt he was a real nice guy and that I was not giving him a fair chance."

Jane, who says she suffered a rib injury at the hands of her boyfriend, went into the Safe Nest shelter days before Thanksgiving and will be there at least through Christmas.

"Frankly, for women afraid to leave an abusive situation during the holidays, I can only say that spending Thanksgiving here was the most peaceful Thanksgiving I had had in a long time," Jane said.

"At Safe Nest, I feel protected. I get counseling that helps me develop inner strength and confidence and helps me improve my communication skills to seek a better job. I can only say the name Safe Nest really fits this place."

Shameka Neeman, assistant director of emergency services for Safe Nest, says Jane's story mirrors so many others who seek help.

"Although each situation is unique, it is pretty much the same because domestic violence is what it is," Neeman said. "Jane's situation is a little more challenging because she has no family support."

Neeman said because the shelter almost always is at capacity it is difficult to tell if any one season is worse than another for the frequency of domestic violence. But, she said, those who choose to leave a violent home this time of year are not denied a Christmas because of that.

"In the two weeks before Christmas there are about 14 agencies in town that hold Christmas parties that we take the children to," Neeman said. "And the victims and their children fill out wish lists for Santa that we do our best to fill.

"So many women who have gone through here tell us about the peacefulness they found and the absence of stress. And they see they are not alone and that others are going through the same thing."

Founded Feb. 23, 1977, Safe Nest has grown beyond the boom of Clark County's population. In its first year of operation, the organization received 1,100 crisis calls. By 2000 that number had grown to 24,000 hotline calls.

Over the years Safe Nest has provided protection order assistance, home visits and community education to tens of thousands of Southern Nevadans.

Safe Nest's services today include a 24-hour crisis hotline, support groups, crisis intervention counseling, employment counseling, children's counseling, parent training, life skills classes and alcohol and drug abuse counseling.

In 1981 the Nevada Legislature allocated $5 from each marriage license to fund anti-domestic violence programs statewide. Today $15 from each marriage license goes for such programs. In 1982 a program to provide counseling for abusers began and the shelter was built to house 27 women and children.

In the mid-1990s the organization developed a domestic violence presentation for local public schools, and the name "Safe Nest" was adopted by the organization in 1997 to underscore its shelter function.

Safe Nest is funded by, among other agencies, the United Way, state Bureau of Alcohol and Drug Abuse, the federal Violence Against Women Act, the Andre Agassi Foundation's Department of Justice Grant and several private groups.

Among them is the Gina Eisenman Foundation Inc., which earlier this month held an 8 kilometer run/5 kilometer walk in California to raise money for Safe Nest.

"The subject of domestic violence remains taboo in social circles so it makes it difficult for us to get our message out," said Bridget Masis, Eisenman's friend and spokeswoman for the San Diego-based foundation.

"We do two major fund-raisers a year for domestic violence shelters. We would do anything to help Safe Nest because they do such good work in Las Vegas."

Friday marked the second anniversary of the death of Virginia "Gina" Eisenman-Centofanti, who was shot while picking up her two sons for visitation in Las Vegas.

Eisenman's ex-husband, Las Vegas attorney Alfred "Chip" Centofanti III, has been charged with murder. Legal motions currently are before the Nevada Supreme Court and the case is yet to go to trial. Centofanti is free on bail.

The next Eisenman Foundation fund-raiser is an all-female martial arts tournament on July 23 in San Diego.

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