Friday, Dec. 20, 2002 | 9:29 a.m.
What: "Las Vegas Christmas Spectacular" starring Rip Taylor.
When: 7:30 p.m., through Wednesday.
Where: The Rio's Scinta Showroom.
Tickets: $29.95.
Information: (702) 777-7776.
Rating (out of five stars: *** 1/2
The only Santa Claus in The Rio's "Las Vegas Christmas Spectacular" is Rip Taylor, but he's more than enough.
The 72-year-old elf makes his first appearance wearing a coat of silver icicles normally used as Christmas decorations.
"You think this coat's a little busy? It looks like somebody shot the Christmas tree," Taylor ripped and roared with laughter, as he often does after he says something humorous. "Look at it. They've been hanging balls on me for two weeks."
Later the rotund comedian came onstage wearing a shiny red jacket that made him look like a giant disco globe.
The "Christmas Spectacular," starring Taylor, is a fast-paced production by Dick Foster that zips through 70 minutes of singing, dancing and acrobatics.
And of course Taylor's brand of rapid-fire comedy that is often so corny you want to look for cobs. But it's sweet corn and easy to digest.
"They're not going to have a Christmas tree at the White House this year -- they're going to decorate the Bushes," Taylor quipped and without a pause added: "You have to think about some of these, folks."
Mostly, the "Spectacular" is good, clean family fun -- although Taylor sometimes pushes the envelope.
"Pia Zadora is going to marry Trent Lott. They'll call her Pia Lott," Taylor said. "I'll wait while you get some of these."
The Jerry Lopez Band opens the show with a medley of Christmas music, alternating traditional sounds with jazzier beats that set the tone for the evening -- this isn't a typical Christmas production with jolly old St. Nick and a choir singing carols.
The Rio's version of Christmas includes (in addition to Taylor) scantily clad dancers who look ready for Mardi Gras in New Orleans; sexy acrobats performing on silk ropes; gauchos who play drums and fling bolas around at 90 mph; luscious singer Traci Ault and Elvis tribute artist Steve Connolly.
There is not a dull moment during the entire show.
Taylor makes a flamboyant entry from the rear of the showroom with a showgirl on each arm, tossing confetti as he shouts at his fans.
"Hello, are you still drinking?" he shouts at no one in particular.
Taylor, closely associated with Las Vegas for more than 30 years, is a showman to the core. His jokes are short, often self-effacing and sometimes lame, but he doesn't dwell on those that stumble or fall -- he just hurries on to the next in line:
"I got this hairpiece from the hind leg of a dog. Everytime I go by a tree, this whole side goes up in the air."
"You know that look a woman gets on her face when she wants sex? Neither do I."
"Robert Blake couldn't make it tonight. He's been detained ... Read the paper folks. Jesus died."
"Winona Rider couldn't make it tonight, either. She's giving Martha Stewart shopping tips."
"Martha Stewart has a new series called '12 Ways to Cook Your Goose.' "
"Here's a list of celebrities in the audience: Larry Holmes' mother, Mobile Holmes. How are you dear? And there's Ben Vareen's mother, Wol Vareen."
After Taylor's initial appearance, Ault sang her version of "The Christmas Song."
Formerly with "Skintight" (also a Foster production), Ault has a powerful voice which she used effectively to jazz up the Mel Torme classic.
Ault's number is followed by dancers, the band singing "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" and Taylor.
"Strom Thurmond is 100 years old," Taylor said. "Somebody asked him, 'Boxers or briefs?' He said, 'depends.' "
"President Bush is going to Manila next week to thank them for their envelopes."
Connolly excited the audience with his Elvis routine, leaving the stage to mingle with fans as he sang "Heartbreak Hotel" and "All Shook Up."
Connolly, who snears, kicks and mugs with the best of them, did an excellent rendition of Elvis' "Blue Christmas."
When Taylor returned, he wheeled in a large box filled with props -- a signature of his act. Taylor is one of the original prop comics.
The box included "cocaine" (a six pack of Coke attached to a walking cane), enormous panties and various and sundry other items he revealed to the audience while cracking jokes.
"I went to the dentist," he said. "My wisdom tooth is retarded."
"I tried sniffing glue, but the tube kept getting stuck in my nose. Then I tried hash, but I couldn't keep the corned beef lit."
"The Mafia is teaming up with the gay liberation movement. Now when you get the kiss of death, it includes dining and dancing."
If you're running out of ideas for Christmas gifts, you couldn't go wrong with tickets to this production.
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