Tenuta shapes act of her own accord

Kirk Baird

Friday, Aug. 9, 2002 | 3:24 a.m.

WEEKEND EDITION: August 11, 2002

One never knows what will come out comedian Judy Tenuta's mouth.

After interviewing her recently, it's clear she has no idea either.

In town Tuesday through Aug. 18 to perform at The Improv at Harrah's, Tenuta had more energy than a caffeine addict on speed. And she clearly is excited about her Las Vegas gig.

"I am kicking my heels up and putting my feathers on, Honey," Tenuta said in a recent interview from her home in Los Angeles. "Move over Melinda, Mistress of Magic (sic). That's right. I'm going to be topless."

Well, you get the idea.

Tenuta gained notoriety in the late '80s as the loudmouthed comedian with the accordion. She was brazen, graphic and funny, a comic seemingly put on the planet to emasculate men, reminding everyone of the pigs they were.

In Judy's world, all males are her love slaves and she, in turn, is their Love Goddess.

The truth is, it's all an act.

Or is it?

After the interview, it's impossible to really say, since she stayed in character the entire time.

Perhaps more unsettling than her refusal to be herself was that it was 9:30 a.m. -- far too early to be putting on a comedy show, she was reminded.

"Honey, I'm up at like 7:30 or something," Tenuta said. "I'm out here deflating Pamela (Anderson's) breasts. She's whining every minute: 'Oh my God! Do you think men still want to mount me?' Oh, hello! She's always got a saddle on."

Clearly, the comedian pulls no punches, regardless of gender.

During the half-hour interview, Tenuta offered these quips:

"A Lamborghini is like Pamela Anderson. She's cool to look at, but would you really want to drive that thing?"

"Martha Stewart is Enron in an apron."

"I like Richard Simmons as a woman. He's the sexiest woman around."

She even took a shot at her own career, in particular the film "Desperation Blvd." Tenuta is still searching for a U.S. distributor, while the movie has been picked up internationally.

"I'm really excited about that, because that means I'm big in Sri Lanka."

But she saved her best material for the latest reality-series star, Anna Nicole Smith.

Tenuta said she was looking forward to watching the centerfold's reality show.

"That's going to be interesting, watching the two dwarves who have to lift her breasts out of bed," she said. "There's going to be Mini-me's and they're obviously going to have to use some electronic device to make it seem like she's talking."

If it seems that Tenuta is being unusually harsh on Smith, it should be mentioned that the comedian met the playmate and former Guess? model several years ago at a Playboy Mansion party.

The shindig also featured the usual assortment of playmates and celebrity guests, including Milton Berle and Tim Allen. And, at some point in the evening, Smith approached the now-deceased Berle, who was in a wheelchair.

"And Anna Nicole Slut is all over him," Tenuta said, repeating the statement for dramatic effect. "Tim Allen says to me: 'I don't get it, Judy. Doesn't she find me attractive?' And I go, 'Well, you're not on a respirator yet. I mean, how can she find you attractive? You're still breathing.' "

The comedian said that later, after Smith learned Berle was married, the Playmate left the elderly comedian and made her way to a pool, where she began to strip for a swim.

"That's her talent," Tenuta said. "Falling all over octogenarians and then bouncing in a pool."