Curtain Call

Friday, April 26, 2002 | 2:08 a.m.

WEEKEND EDITION: April 28, 2002

All good things must come to an end, and that includes the stand-up comedy career of Phyllis Diller.

The 84-year-old legend of comedy will give her farewell performance May 5 at Suncoast, the final day of a three-day engagement that begins Friday.

Diller's distinguished career has included countless concerts during the past 47 years, 21 films, numerous television appearances, five comedy albums, four best-selling books and a 10-year run as a concert pianist, during which she was a guest soloist with 100 symphony orchestras across the country.

In addition to all of her other talents, Diller is a gourmet cook and an accomplished artist (painting in acrylics and mixed-media, combining several media, such as acrylic, oil and watercolor).

Diller's career began in 1955 at age 37, after she raised five children in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her first appearance was at the now defunct Purple Onion nightclub in San Francisco. Soon after, she appeared on Jack Paar's "Tonight Show" and caught the attention of a national audience.

Jerry Lewis directed her when she made a screen test for Paramount Pictures in 1956.

Besides at Suncoast, Diller may be seen May 8 on ABC's "The Drew Carey Show" (Channel 13).

The lady with the frazzled hair, cackling laugh and outlandish dresses spoke with the Sun recently by telephone from her Los Angeles home about her decision to take her final onstage bow:

Las Vegas Sun: Why are you retiring?

Phyllis Diller: I'm not using the word "retire." I'm just discontinuing the stand-up. I'm certainly not retiring. I'm going to have more kinds of things to do that require less activity. I will be painting and writing, but not traveling and doing stand-up. I'm just retiring the stand-up part of my career.

Sun: Is traveling becoming too much of a hassle?

PD: Yes. When this last tour started and I was undressed twice in the same airport (for security reasons), it really got to me. Of all people, is an 84-year-old woman going to blow up an airplane?

Sun: Traveling is difficult, but what about when you're onstage. Is that tough?

PD: Yes. Nobody realizes how really strenuous good stand-up is. It is energetic. You have to really have energy, and I have a congestive heart condition, so I don't have the kind of energy I had when I was in my prime.

Sun: Besides the airport incidents, was there a point at which you decided to call it a career?

PD: Yes, there was a moment. It was about six weeks ago, in Palm Beach (Fla). I had been toying with the idea for sometime, since elderliness set in, but then I had a show where I came out and the mike wasn't on. And it kept going in and out. I thought, "I don't need this. It's a bad set-up, the lights aren't right. The mike isn't on." It was very upsetting. You spend so many years perfecting what you do, and then when they can't get their part right, you just want to kill them.

I came back home and said, "That's it." It was the declarative. As I said, I had been thinking about it. But I needed that show to make it final. I never quite recovered from the mike situation.

Sun: But you didn't quit immediately.

PD: No. I said I would honor everything on the books through May 5, Cinco de Mayo. The Suncoast will be the last stand-up act, but I had things I had to do in Ohio, Michigan, Arizona, New York. As I've done the concerts, I've thought, "Boy, did I make the right decision." But I just had four fabulous shows here in town (Los Angeles).

Sun: You will appear on "The Drew Carey Show" May 8. Are you going to continue to act after that?

PD: Oh, yes. I'm going to be working my (behind) off. Work, work, work. But at least I won't have to get on an airplane.

Sun: So you will devote more time to painting. How is that coming along?

PD: Very well. It's becoming bigger and bigger and bigger. I started painting in '86.

Sun: What kind of writing are you going to do?

PD: I'm writing my autobiography. Before, I was too busy traveling. I didn't have time to write. I was always packing, unpacking, traveling, doing stand-up. That's been my life. People have been begging for this book for years, but I just didn't have the time. Now I will.

Sun: I suppose the book will reflect your zany personality.

PD: I suppose it will. It may even explain it.

Sun: Any chance of doing more piano concerts?

PD: I pigeonhole everything. The piano was '70 to '80. These things are so difficult that once you give them up, there's no way you can do it again. It's the same with stand-up -- you lose your chops. As long as you want to do that discipline, do it. But when you quit, it's hard to get it back.

Sun: You started stand-up comedy at a relatively late stage in your life, at age 37. Do you wish you had started earlier?

PD: No, no. I pity some of the young comics who have nothing to bitch about. By the time I got into it, I had plenty to bitch about -- the neighbors, the relatives, the kids, the husband, everything. When the young comedians are sweet and adorable and cute and darling, who's going to believe it? What have they got? They're talking about dates. I mean, how serious is it? Or their school teacher, or their boyfriend.

Sun: How has comedy changed since you started?

PD: It's gotten dirtier. I really don't like that. Mine is kind of lighthearted, but the audiences laugh. That's all I care about.

Sun: One of your closest friends since the inception of your career has been Bob Hope. Do you still see and talk to him?

PD: I'm always invited to his birthday dinner. He's going to be 99 next month (May 29). I hear from Dolores (Hope's wife) all the time.

Sun: How is Bob doing?

PD: He's alive, dear.

Sun: You started playing Las Vegas at the beginning of your career. How was it in the old days?

PD: I played every major room -- the Flamingo, Tropicana, Desert Inn, MGM. Then, the rooms started getting too big and I had a fallow period where I didn't play Vegas, until they started building other, smaller venues.

Sun: Tell us about your "garbage soup."

PD: When I played Las Vegas a lot we'd go out to dinner every night. I'm a very light eater, so I would have all these doggie bags. Once you go out three nights in a row and you've got three doggie bags, you've got the basis for great garbage soup. I have a recipe I'm terribly proud of. It has character. It is never the same twice, there's always different garbage.

Sun: What do you consider to be the highlights of your career?

PD: Doing 47 years of stand-up, and making it work. And the 10 years where I played symphonies. That was a 10-year highlight. And when I starred in "Hello, Dolly!" on Broadway (1970), that was a highlight.

Sun: Any regrets?

PD: No, no. It's been wonderful.

Sun: Are you going to miss doing stand-up?

PD: No, no I'm not. Nobody knows how hard it is.

Sun: Is there anything about the stand-up you'll miss?

PD: The laughter -- that high you get when you have a whole roomful of people laughing. You have to really have energy, and I have a congestive heart condition, so I don't have the kind of energy I had when I was in my prime."

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