Review: ‘Sweetest Thing’ leaves bad aftertaste

Geoff Carter

Friday, April 12, 2002 | 9:58 a.m.

Grade: **

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair and Thomas Jane.

Screenplay: Nancy M. Pimental.

Director: Roger Kumble.

Rated: R for strong sexual content and language.

Running time: 84 minutes.

Movie Times: http://www.vegas.com/movies/

What is "The Sweetest Thing"? Is it Cameron Diaz's attempt to better the muddled chemistry of "Charlie's Angels," in which she was the only likeable character? Or did she, with Christina Applegate, spot someone's French sex comedy walking alone, kidnap the film and brainwash it? Or is it simply a romantic comedy without the romance?

Whatever the case, it's one mushy stack of flapjacks. "The Sweetest Thing" is plotless, episodic pap, enlivened only by all-out comic performances by Diaz, Applegate and Selma Blair -- Good morning, Angels!

As I watched I wondered if a transplant were possible: if these likeable actresses could be plucked, as is, and dropped into a John Waters film. At least he knows how to handle a good bodily fluids gag.

Christina (Diaz) is an impossible flirt and has a fear of commitment. One night she meets Peter (Thomas Jane) at a club, dismisses him, then changes her mind and drives three hours to his brother's wedding to declare her feelings for him. That's it; that's the whole story. The lovers aren't star-crossed, nor are they really in love. It's just an excuse to put Christina and roommate Courtney (Applegate) on the road.

Oddly enough, it's in this meandering that Diaz and Applegate really shine. They sing and dance with "The Pina Colada Song," insult each other with cheerful relish and strip down to their underwear and stick out their bellies. I can't recall the last time I saw two Vanity Fair cover models so game to make fun of their own bodies, so willing to look foolish and absurd.

Diaz's goofiness periodically rubs off on her male co-stars, but not often enough. Jane, decent in "Boogie Nights" among other films, is underserved by Nancy M. Pimental's you-go-girl script. Outside of a dream sequence, in which he services Diaz and serves her a platter of ice cream ("I had them remove all the calories for you"), he's a grouchy bore. How could Diaz come to fancy this jerk?

And for that matter, who cares? "The Sweetest Thing" is a dumb lark, your drunk friend with the underwear on his head and a hand in his pants. It's funny while you're in the moment with him, but then you sober up. "The Sweetest Thing" keeps on going, to its detriment and yours.