Columnist Ron Kantowski: Rebel football owns dubious distinction

Tuesday, Oct. 23, 2001 | 10:09 a.m.

Ron Kantowski's notes column appears Tuesday. Reach him at ron@lasvegassun.com or 259-4088.

It's not very often when a team listed next-to-last in the football standings during Week 8 has outscored its collective opponents.

Yet that's the case with UNLV. In fact, based on the standings in Monday's Sun, the Rebels are the only team in Division I-A that can make that claim.

Not that they would want to, of course. Given there are no Troy States on UNLV's schedule (although those men of Troy are not quite the pushovers the more famous ones from USC have been), about the only conclusion that can be made is that these Rebels are A) underachievers or B) one of the unluckiest teams in America.

At this late date -- and given another weekend defeat that was more agonizing than a ski jumper going over the side of the 90-meter platform -- mark me down for the former.

The Rebels have outscored their opposition 172-165 but stand just 2-5 because they make stupid plays, or don't have enough -- any? -- players capable of making the big ones that decide games.

And here I thought wide receiver Nate Turner's quick wit would be missed more than his sure hands on 3rd-and-8.

It's a good thing the Rebels aren't eligible for the local Punt, Pass and Kick contest, because they don't have anybody that can do any of those, at least not when the game is on the line.

Oh yeah, they don't have anybody who can catch, either.

When it came to crunch time, the Lakers knew they could count on Jerry West, Mr. Clutch. The Rebels are more like NASCAR's Jimmy Spencer -- Mr. Broken Clutch. They simply don't have anybody capable of stepping up and making a play when the game situation demands it.

What they dearly need is to trade in some of their butterfingered men for one bread-and-butter one.

Besides, as leader on the field, he has every right to light a fire under his teammates.

But what Thomas should have said is "As bad as I've played this year, I'm one to talk. But when I launch a 70-yard moon shot down two with time running out, and it hits my guy right between the numbers (or in this case, right on his lone number) it would be nice if he could catch the ball."

The lonesome soul (by about five yards) at the other end of Thomas' Hail Mary heave was Bobby Nero -- Number 1 (at least in the program). Alas, Nero did not catch an almost perfectly thrown ball well within field-goal range -- even Dillon Pieffer's limited FG range -- inside of 15 seconds to play.

The little guy has taken a bigger pounding than the shins of one of Tony Soprano's creditors. He has carried the ball a grand total of seven times during the past two weeks and fumbled on two of those, leaving the brunt of the rushing chores to gritty Joe Haro. Trouble is, at 190 pounds, Haro is just slightly better equipped for that role than Dorsey is.

Take a look at Utah when it visits in two weeks. The Utes also have bookend backs in Damien Hunter and Adam Tate. Only theirs both tip -- er, tilt -- the scales at about 240 pounds.

Hunter is listed at 5-foot-11, 236 pounds. Tate is 6-1, 229. But in those all-red uniforms the Utes wear, they look like a couple of hook-and-ladders getting a late start on a three-alarm fire.

And, finally, before you think that broken Chico Ruiz-model Louisville Slugger being used as an emergency patio door lock isn't worth something on eBay, consider the Toronto Raptors sold the pen that Vince Carter used to sign his six-year contract extension for $2,325 U.S. dollars. Perhaps to show the entire world has not gone insane, the NBA team donated the money to charity.