Making free time: Women’s society embraces nonconformity

Kimberley McGee

Tuesday, Oct. 16, 2001 | 8:22 a.m.

In her 59 years, Diana Shelburne has been a daughter, wife, mother and community volunteer.

But within those bonds of society's labels, she was herself: a woman who enjoyed life beyond the constraints of all the hats she wears daily at work and home.

At age 35, the Las Vegas native found a poem, "Warning" by Jenny Joseph, that spoke to the mischievous girl she once was, Shelburne said.

The poem reads: "When I am an old woman I shall wear purple/ With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. /And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves/And satin sandals and say we've no money for butter."

It goes on to read: "But now we must have clothes that keep us dry /And pay our rent and not swear in the street/And set a good example for children."

Shelburne framed "Warning" 25 years ago and gave a copy each to her two best friends, Carol Ewing and Carol Clark.

It was the beginning of the Purple Sage Red Hatters, a local chapter of a national movement by women over age 50 called the Red Hat Society. Members don red hats as a symbol of the poem's message of freedom from style, society and proper behavior.

"We liked it because it was how we felt," Shelburne said. 'We are mothers but we have fun and laugh and do things that make us happy, too."

The poem has set the mood for the way the trio feel after decades of raising their children, caring for their husbands and their husbands' careers.

"It's about getting together and laughing and enjoying yourself," Clark said. "Doesn't that sound delicious? That's why I've liked (the poem) for so many years."

Passion for life

Shelburne, Clark and Ewing have been best friends since they paddled canoes, taught first-aid skills and mentored their daughters and other local girls as Frontier Council Girl Scout leaders throughout the '70s and '80s.

Every summer for more than 20 years the women and their families went on fishing and camping vacations.

Ewing was in charge of bringing the balloons on the trips.

"We always have balloons to play with, pop up and back and forth to each other in the air," said the 62-year-old Ewing, who is legally blind and a braille clerk for the Clark County School District. "We've done balloons in Death Valley, fishing, everywhere. I have to laugh when I hear how silly that sounds, but we always did that -- had fun!"

Clark, age 63, was a stay-at-home mom who volunteered her services to the community and her church while she raised her three children. After they left for college and to start lives of their own, she and her husband bought a recreational vehicle to travel around the country visiting friends and family.

"When you get old there is plenty of stuff going on that makes you sad," Clark said. "But not when we are all together. It's important to laugh and enjoy yourself."

Last year Clark read about the Red Hat Society in Romantic Homes magazine.

The national organization with more than 900 chapters around the country was formed in Fullerton, Calif., a few years ago. It is based on the "Warning" poem by Joseph.

Members must be women age 50 or older, not care much for strict club rules or structure but must attend the society's functions in full regalia -- a red hat and purple outfit.

Clark brought the Romantic Homes magazine article to the attention of Ewing and Shelburne. They knew what they had to do.

"We wanted to form the Purple Sage Red Hatters (chapter) because (sage) is the (Nevada) state flower," Shelburne said. "And it's purple. That just fits, doesn't it?"

Last fall they registered the Purple Sage Red Hatters chapter of the Red Hat Society with the headquarters of the organization in Fullerton.

They plan their first official "unorganized" meeting for sometime this November.

The chapter's plans will be posted on the official -- and organized -- website, redhatsociety.com.

"That's part of being a chapter of the Red Hat Society," Shelburne said. "It's meant to be fun, not organized."

Choosing officers is mandated by the organization with one basic rule -- do what makes you happy. Chapters are urged to elect officers however they deem proper.

"I think that's an important thing about the organization," Shelburne said. "There's no structure and you all get together and choose what you want to be."

Shelburne is the "E-mail Female" who keeps everyone, so far friends and family, up to date with the latest Purple Sage Red Hatters chapter news, recipes, jokes and family pictures.

Ewing appointed herself the Anti-Parliamentarian. She ensures no rules encroach on the fun of the group's activities. Ewing has a hearty laugh in response to any inquiries as to what, if any, rules the organization follows.

The Queen Mother is the first one to find, have or buy a red hat within the group. That honor goes to Clark, who borrowed a jaunty red hat from her sister in Hanford, Calif.

"She wants to be buried in that hat so I have to return it, eventually," Clark said. "It's hard to find red hats. But we are looking."

The hat was found in a thrift shop, just as the founder of the Red Hat Society discovered her own red hat.

A large, red feather and satin bow accent the red-weaved straw hat.

Seeing red

The seeds for the original unorganized organization were sown in 1997, when Sue Ellen Cooper traveled to Tucson from her home in Fullerton to visit her sister. While shopping for bargains she found a dashing red hat in a second-hand shop.

She purchased the hat for giggles among her friends, but found deeper meaning in the frivolous purchase when she came across the same "Warning" poem by Joseph that Shelburne had found all those years ago.

Cooper enjoyed the poem so much that she began to seek and find red hats to give to her friends along with a copy of the poem. They eventually donned the hats and went to tea at a Fullerton teahouse.

The Red Hat Society was born. It spread via the Internet and word-of-mouth.

On the Queen Mother Board, a chat room for Red Hatters, topics range from serious health issues such as menopause and ovarian cancer, to lighter milestones such as the welcoming of grandchildren to first-time grandmothers, Christmas crafts and retirement tips.

The Purple Sage Red Hatters chapter has received more than 30 requests to join from local women who have found information about the group on the Red Hat Society website.

"That's too many for us," Shelburne said. "We just want to get together maybe twice a year for tea. Some may want more entertainment."

While the local group intends to don its hats and purple outfits biannually for a relaxing afternoon sipping Earl Grey, other Red Hat Society groups around the country have pushed the envelope of proper behavior by donning their outfits and chartering a tour bus to see an Elvis impersonator. They topped the outing off by throwing purple panties on the stage.

"We don't plan on being a big source of entertainment for anybody," Shelburne said. "We're just doing it for us."

They are hoping a second local chapter will be formed by the women who have become interested in the society.

Finding themselves

Shelburne, Clark and Ewing shop for purple outfits and red hats at thrift stores and yard sales, congratulating whoever finds the best bargain.

Shelburne's daughter, Stephanie, a massage therapist and nutritionist in San Fransisco, bought her mother a snappy purple outfit earlier this year for the upcoming Purple Sage Red Hatters meeting.

"My kids grew up knowing I would someday wear purple," Shelburne said. "It's what I am."

The trio continue to look at life with an optimistic tilt of their grey-haired heads, Ewing said.

They have been there to support each other through many seasons of their lives -- sick children, a divorce, deaths -- and look forward to this latest chapter. They plan to do things they wouldn't have tried as younger, "proper" women, Ewing said.

"You have to be happy with yourself and enjoy every season," Ewing said. "And just laugh a lot."

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