Columnist Sandy Thompson: Talk to kids carefully about attacks

Sandy Thompson

Friday, Oct. 5, 2001 | 4:39 a.m.

Sandy Thompson is vice president/associate editor of the Las Vegas Sun. She can be reached at 259-4025 or e-mail at thompson@lasvegassun.com

ON SEPT. 11 and the days after, we were transfixed by the horrifying images on the TV. We were stunned by the massive destruction and loss of life when the World Trade Center towers collapsed. Even those who did not lose loved ones in the terrorist attacks were overcome by a profound sense of loss and sadness.

Nearly a month later, those feelings linger. How do we shake them?

"Cut the tether of the television," says Joanne Cantor, Ph.D., who has done extensive research on the effects of violence in the media on children. She recommends that parents limit or curtail their children's watching of the incessant TV replays of the attacks.

We should not forget about what happened. But we should not obsess about it.

Not only do we have to deal with our horror over the attacks, now we fear the uncertainty of what will happen next. Will there be a full-scale war and more death and destruction? What about more terrorist attacks?

How do adults, who still are having a hard time dealing with these weighty questions, respond to our children's ongoing fears and concerns?

Cantor says coping strategies are different for different age groups. The youngest (up to age 6) don't fully understand the significance of the attacks. They only respond to horrifying visual images -- bloodied victims, people screaming as they run from falling buildings. These children should not watch TV news coverage.

"Young children are better off getting information from an adult who chooses his words carefully," she says. Parents should be truthful, but "don't feel that you have to inform them about all the other things that might have happened or that still could happen."

Elementary-school age children (7 to 12) better understand the impact -- that innocent people died. Cantor says they are concerned about their safety and that of their family. Parents need to reassure all children that steps are being taken to ensure their safety.

Watching TV news with this age group, Cantor says, "provides an obvious opportunity to talk about the other side of this tragedy. The encouraging signs. Bring up reassuring points such as the unprecedented coalition we're forming and how people helped each other."

Teenagers understand more of the global impact of the tragedy and have additional fears about their family members or themselves going to war.

Cantor recommends that parents keep a watchful eye on their children and discuss things when necessary, but don't dwell on the tragedy. Parents should not think it odd if a child is focusing on other things such as sports or school. "Don't think that if a child isn't sad or scared all the time that he is not serious enough," she says.

Likewise, some adults are feeling guilty if they laugh at a joke or have fun at an outing. That's not healthy, Cantor says.

A professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Cantor is the author of "Mommy I'm Scared: How TV and Movies Frighten Children and What We Can Do to Protect Them." Since the 1980s her research has focused primarily on children's emotional reactions to scenes involving violence and other disturbing images.

We may never see more violent and disturbing images on TV than we did on Sept. 11. No movie could ever come close to it, no matter how spectacular the special effects are. Why? Because the actors didn't get up from the rubble, brush themselves off and go on to other roles. The people in the planes and buildings were real. They died. They won't be coming home. They won't be returning to their desks and computers.

Violent movies may show action, but they don't show the long-term suffering that violence brings, Cantor says.

Adults know the difference. But how well do young children who are wowed by "Independence Day" and violent video games discern the difference between Hollywood's fantasy and terrorism's reality?

Parents should monitor what their young children are watching on TV about this tragic event. But we can't just change the channel and walk away. We must keep the lines of communication open. If a child wants to discuss things, parents should do so in a "calm, nonsensational manner" as Cantor suggests.

The most we can do for our children (all the time, not just in times of turmoil) is to love them and give them extra attention and reassurance that we are here for them.

In turn, their love may reassure us.