Special families foster love for kids in need: May marks National Foster Care Month

Friday, May 4, 2001 | 4:17 a.m.

Some children have never been hugged.

Some are addicted to drugs when they are born, or are damaged by alcohol while still in the womb.

Among the most pathetic are those who horde food, hiding it in closets and dressers because they have experienced starvation, and the thought of it happening again terrifies them.

The lucky ones find compassionate foster parents who give them a fighting chance to survive.

May is National Foster Care Month, created in 1988 through the efforts of the National Foster Parent Association to honor the people who open the doors of their homes to children who have been left out in the cold.

"One boy, when the mother could not afford food, she gave him methamphetamine so he would not be hungry," foster parent Randi Thompson said. "Some would horde food because they didn't know where their next meal was coming from -- or they ate so much they would get sick."

Thompson and her husband, Alan, are among Las Vegas-area residents who are foster parents. They have two grown children and two grandchildren.

"We had met a sibling group, a brother and sister, that needed placement," Randi Thompson said.

That was two years ago. The girl was 12, her brother 11.

"It was so rewarding," Randi Thompson said. "It fills your heart with love. They give so much back. When they put their arms around you and and say, 'I love you' and really mean it, it's like, oh, my goodness. You never expect that."

Today the couple have six foster children ranging in age from 12 to 15. That doesn't include several who have spent time in the home and been returned to their parents.

"We felt a certain amount of pride in our (initial) success," Alan Thompson, who works for an interior design company, said in explanation of why he and his wife have taken in so many children. "It's just a warm feeling. We think maybe we can help the next kid, too."

There is no typical child in the Thompson household, except for the fact that they all need love, understanding and patience.

The children who have passed through the Thompson home have been black, Hispanic, white and bi- racial. Many have emotional and mental problems.

"One that touches all of our hearts, a young girl, has a mom with a serious issue of drugs," Randi Thompson said. "(The mom) keeps promising she is going to get off drugs and get her (child) back, and the child keeps waiting and waiting.

"The parents are in and out of jail ... and they make so many promises. It just breaks your heart."

Many of the foster children who come to the Thompsons don't know what it's like to have parents who get up and go to work, or who will hug them and say "I love you."

"All of (our foster children) have special needs," Randi Thompson said. "All but one are in special education. When they come to us, their education has been neglected. Some haven't been to school in two years. One 13-year-old boy couldn't read or write."

One unusual aspect of the Thompson's extended family is that five of the children are teenagers and one is 12.

Most foster parents want younger children.

"Most everybody wants the young kids," Alan Thompson said. "(The parents) can mold them into what they want. But the teenagers are the ones closest to going into society.

"We just thought it would be a good thing to do. It seems to me, when the kids hit 18 they are put out on the street, and some of them don't have the experience to shop for themselves."

No room for teens

Opal Valentine, director of Trinity Foster Care of Nevada, said her agency frequently turns down requests for placement of teenagers because no homes are available.

"Out of 10 homes, maybe only one will take teenagers," Valentine said. "We are excited when someone will take a teenage placement."

The Thompsons are among about 20 families who get their foster children through Trinity.

"Right now there are about 3,000 children in foster care in Nevada, and the number is increasing," Valentine said. "There are not enough homes. We always have a need for more families."

There are more than 500,000 foster children around the nation, according to the National Foster Parent Association.

When Trinity, a California-based agency, expanded into Nevada two years ago it served only the most dire child-care cases, carrying what is called a "therapeutic" case load.

The therapeutic classification of foster children consists of those with multiple problems, including an assortment of mental and psychological issues.

Recently Trinity took over another foster care agency and now places children with less severe problems in addition to the therapeutic cases. It has a contract with the state to provide homes for 50 children.

Trinity and five or six other foster care agencies in Southern Nevada receive children through the welfare department's Division of Child and Family Services. The children, who range in age from birth to 17, have been taken from their parents by the courts -- either temporarily or permanently.

"We don't generally get cute little babies," Valentine said.

The ones they get may have attention deficit disorder, be hyperactive or suffer from bipolar disorder.

"Some have to go to therapy weekly, take medication and have monthly psychiatric reviews," she said.

The biological parents may be drug addicts, alcoholics or suffer from a variety of psychological disorders themselves.

"We try to give each child as normal a living environment as possible," Valentine said.

The agency has a staff of case workers available to help their foster parents all hours of the day and night.

Candidates for foster parenthood are screened and then go through four weeks of training.

"They are taught how to work with special needs children," Valentine said.

She said most of her parents are retired and "want to give back to the community."

Some of the parents are younger, such as the Thompsons, who are in their 40s. Some of the foster homes have only one parent.

"We make it easy for them with our support group," Valentine said.

The SAFY agency of Las Vegas focuses on therapeutic cases. (SAFY is an acronym for Specialists in Alternatives for Families and Youth.)

The organization has about 60 children, and 45-50 foster homes.

"There is always a shortage of foster parents," director Pam Kurtz said. "It's an unending battle. We get tons of referrals, but there is never enough families. We can't give enough credit to families that choose to do this."

She said there is a myth that foster parents take in children solely for the money. While the families do receive financial help, it is for the care of the children.

Extraordinary needs

"These kids have such extraordinary needs, there isn't enough money to pay someone to do it," Kurtz said.

Angelo and Ella Gioia are among those who do it for love and not money.

The Brooklyn, N.Y., natives are retired, have raised their own children and have two foster children, ages 7 and 8.

"We answered an ad in the newspaper two years ago," Ella Gioia, 60, said. The ad was placed by Trinity.

"I had to see for myself what foster care was all about," Gioia said. "I have always taken care of kids, one way or another."

The couple moved to Las Vegas in 1990 after Angelo, now 64, retired from the Army and Ella retired from civil service. They have five adult children and nine grandchildren.

Ella Gioia said she worked in day care centers for the military and has worked with abused children.

Once the Gioias brought the first foster child into their home, they were hooked.

"So many kids come into the world unwanted," Ella Gioia said. "When you can see that you can make a difference, nothing stops you."

Their first foster child was 6 years old when he came to them. His mother was an alcoholic, and he suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome. He was rarely touched by his mother. He had a limited vocabulary and could not verbalize a feeling or thought.

"He was brought into the world and left alone," Gioia said.

She said she treated him like a human being, engaged him in conversation and gained his trust.

"Eventually he took my hand and held it, and that showed me he trusted me," Gioia said. "At first, he didn't know anyone was supposed to hug him."

The boy is in the first grade and is an A student.

"He's at the top of his class, reads at the second-grade level and is very sociable," she said.

The second child had severe emotional problems and has been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. He also has been in several foster homes.

"He is very hyperactive, and also very bright, very intelligent," Gioia said, "and the first three days with me he was very, very angry.

"His immediate response (to being chastised) was 'You're just going to kick me out anyway.' I said 'Yes, I'm going to kick you out -- out of here into the bedroom."

She said, "These children need that constant, constant reassurance ... they've had rejection ever since their biological mothers have said in so many words 'You're not worth having.' That's the hardest rejection a child can have.

"They build up hard shells very early in life. Like little turtles, they draw their heads back into their shell and you have to go in and coax them back out."

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